> I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer > guy, > to come over. > Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. > He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I > called after > him, "So, what was wrong?" > He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, > but > nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need > to > fix it again?" > The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T > error > before?" > "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it > out." > So I wrote out .. I D 1 0 T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > ========================= > A Different Point of > View > > > After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is still > alive", > Saddam decided to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let > him > know that he is still in the > game. > Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded > message: > > > 370HSSV-0773H > > George W. couldn't figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it > to > > Colin > > Powell. > Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the > CIA. > No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA > and > the Secret > Service... > the list got longer and > longer. > Eventually they asked Mossad in Israel for > help. > Cpt. Moishe Pippick took one look at it and > replied: > "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside > down..." > > =================== > Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? > Answer: Princess Diana's death. > Question: How come? > Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a > French tunnel, > driving a German car with a > Dutch engine, > driven by a Belgian > who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, > followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, > on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, > using Brazilian medicines! > And this is sent to you by a Canadian, > using Bill Gates' technology and > you are probably reading this on one of the IBM clones > that use Taiwanese-made chips, > and Korean-made monitors, > assembled by Bangladeshi workers > in a Singapore plant, > transported by lorries > driven by Indians, > hijacked by Indonesians, > unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, > trucked by Mexican illegal aliens, > and finally sold to you. > >That, my friend, is Globalization! > > ================ > THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR > A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his attractive blond > neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened > it and slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. > A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and > again opened it, slammed it shut and angrily went back into her house. > As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again, marched > to the mail box, opened it, slammed it shut-harder than ever. > Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she > > replied, There certainly is!" > (Are you ready? .... this is a beauty.....) > "My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail'." > ====================================== > A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were > spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and > began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife > asked," What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird". > "I had Tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean Polio?" she asked. "No, > Tolio. The disease only affected my toes" When the groom took off his pants, > > his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy > and deformed!" "As a child, I also had Kneasles," he explained. "You mean > Measles?" she asked. "No, Kneasles. It was a strange illness that only > affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As > the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't > tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?" > =============================== > >The New Improved Philosophy 101 > > > >A professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class and had some items in > >front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large and empty > >mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the > >students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. > > > >The professor then picked up a jar of pebbles and poured them into the jar. > > >He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open > >spaces between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar > >was full. They agreed it was. > > > >The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar and of > >course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar > >was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." > > > >The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and > >proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the > > >empty space between the grains of sand. The students laughed. > > > >"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to > >recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the > >important things -- your family, your partner, your children, your health, > >your friends, your favorite passions -- things that if everything else was > >lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are > > >the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand > > >is everything else -- the small stuff." > > > >"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room > >for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you > >spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room > > >for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that > >are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get > >medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. Play another 18. There > >will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and > > >fix the disposal." > > > >"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set > >your priorities. The rest is just sand." > > > >One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. > > >The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no > > >matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of > >beers." > =========== > There is this good old barber in some city in the US. > > One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay > the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from > you. I am doing community service." The Florist is happy and leaves the > shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a > thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. > > A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after > thecut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. > > I am doing community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The > nextmorning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and > a > dozen donuts waiting at his door. > > A Romanian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the > barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept > money from you. I am doin g community service." The Romanian software > engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open > his shop, guess what he finds there ... > > Can you guess? > > Don't you know the answer yet? > Come on, think like a Romanian . > > .... a dozen Romanians waiting for a free haircut! > =========================== > Subject: A nice golf story > Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a > lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied while > > he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter. > Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster lighter?" > "I got it from my genie." > "You have a genie?" > "Yes, right here in my golf bag." > "Could I see him?" > He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie. > The friend asks the genie, "Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will > you grant me one wish?" > "Yes I will'" the genie replies. > The friend asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie hops back into the > golf > bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly, > the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is > > heard. > The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not a > million > ducks!" > He answers, "I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do you > really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?" > *** > After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, and was > looking > around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the > distance. > Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired > nervously. > "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. > > "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. > "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. > "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. > Calmly, she replied, "That's me before the surgery". > ---------------------------------------------------------- > Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid > form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use > as a mixer. > > It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. > > Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning > to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old fashioned > "stiff drink". > > Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO." > Two women decided to go out one evening, without their husbands. > > Laughing the entire evening away and finding that they had consumed entirely > > too much wine, they decided it was time to head home. They were about > halfway home when both ladies decided that they needed to find a > bathroom quick. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. A little > > bit scared and tipsy, they decided they'd just have to stop there...they > couldn't wait any longer. > > Stumbling off the road into the cemetery they soon discovered they had no > toilet paper or Kleenex but the trip being an urgent one, they decided to > 'just make do'! > > The first one decided to use her panties and then discard them. The second > one had on new panties and not wanting to leave them behind grabbed a big > ribbon from a floral wreath on the grave stone next to her. > > The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, > > and one of them said to the other: "You know, we'll have to keep a closer > watch on our wives...it seems that those two were up to no good > last night. My wife came home in the wee hours without her panties...." > > The other one responded: "Well, you're lucky, mine came home with a card > stuck to her butt that read, 'We will never forget you' The Carboni > Brothers." > > organul sexual masculin solicita o crestere salariala din urmatoarele > motive: > 1. trebuie sa lucreze din greu; > 2. lucreaza la mare adancime; > 3. trebuie sa lucreze cu capul in jos; > 4. nu are ventilatie sau aer conditionat la locul de munca; > 5. trebuie sa lucreze intr-un mediu cu umiditate mare; > 6. lucreaza la temperaturi inalte; > 7. nu are weekend-uri si nici vacante; > 8. nu are liber daca presteaza ore suplimentare; > 9. poate contacta boli profesionale. > cererea i-a fost refuzata din urmatoarele motive: > 1. nu munceste opt ore neintrerupt; > 2. nu satisface toate cererile; > 3. nu are studii; > 4. dupa o scurta perioada de activitate, adoarme la lucru; > 5. nu dovedeste fidelitate fata de locul de munca; > 6. iese la pensie prea devreme; > 7. nu lasa locul de munca curat, dupa ce termina treaba. > =========================== > In cele din urma, adevarul ajunge la televiziunea nationala. Fiica lui > Billy Graham, intr-un interviu in emisiunea Early Show, a fost > intrebata de Jane Clayson, cu privire la atacurile din 11 > septembrie: > > Cum a putut Dumnezeu lasa sa se intample asa > ceva? > > Anne Graham a dat un raspuns foarte profund si inspirat: > Cred ca Dumnezeu este adanc intristat de aceasta, la fel ca si noi, dar > noi de ani de zile Ii spunem sa iasa din scolile noastre, din guvernul > si din vietile noastre. Si, fiind El un adevarat gentleman, cred ca > pur si simplu S-a dat calm la o parte. > > Cum putem noi sa-I cerem binecuvantarea si protectia Sa daca > Ii cerem sa ne lase in pace? (in lumina recentelor evenimente, atacuri > teroriste, atacuri armate in scoli, > etc.) > > Cred ca totul a inceput cand Madeleine Murray O'Hare (care a > fost ucisa, iar corpul ei a fost gasit recent) a afirmat ca nu dorea > nici un fel de rugaciuni in scolile noastre, iar noi am spus > O.K. > > Apoi, cineva a spus ca mai bine nu am citi Biblia in scoli > (Biblia care spune sa nu ucizi, sa nu furi si sa-ti iubesti aproapele > ca pe tine insuti), iar noi am spus > O.K. > > Apoi, dr. Benjamin Spock a spus ca nu ar trebui sa ne > plesnim copii atunci cand se poarta urat, pentru ca aceasta le-ar > afecta mica lor personalitate si stima de sine (fiul dr. Spock s-a > sinucis). Iar noi am spus > ca un expert trebuie sa stie ce vorbeste, asa ca am spus > O.K. > > Cred ca totul se reduce la "Ceea ce vei semana, aceea vei si > culege". Noi iI spunem lui Dumnezeu "Draga Doamne, de ce nu ai > salvat-o pe acea fetita ucisa in clasa?", iar Dumnezeu raspunde: > "Dragul meu, Eu am > fost alungat din scoli, nu puteam fi acolo. Cum puteam Eu fi > acolo, cand voi mi-ati spus sa plec din > sco li?". > > E ciudat cum oamenii IL dispretuiesc pe Dumnezeu, si apoi se > intreaba de ce totul merge tot mai prost. > > E ciudat cum de credem tot ceea ce scriu ziarele, dar noi ne > indoim de ceea ce spune Biblia. > > E ciudat cum de toti oamenii vor sa mearga in ceruri, desi > nu cred, gandesc, spun sau fac nimic din ceea ce scrie in > Biblie. > > E ciudat cum de unii pot spune "Cred in Dumnezeu" si de fapt > sa-l urmeze pe Satan, care, de fapt, "crede" si el in > Dumnezeu. > > E ciudat cum ne repezim sa judecam, dar nu ne place sa fim > judecati. > > E ciudat cum de se pot trimite mii de "glume" prin e-mail si > ele se raspandesc precum focul salbatic, dar cand incepi sa trimiti > mesaje privindu-L pe Dumnezeu, oamenii se gandesc de doua ori inainte > de a le trimite si altora. > > E ciudat cum poate fi cineva atat de "inflacarat" de > dragoste pentru Cristos duminica, fiind in acelasi timp un crestin > " invizibil" in timpul saptamanii. > > Radeti? > > E ciudat cum de, gandindu-va daca sa trimiteti sau nu mai > departe acest mesaj, nu-l veti trimite multor adrese din lista voastra, > pentru ca nu sunteti siguri in ceea ce crede destinatarul posibil, sau > de ceea ce vor crede despre VOI daca il veti trimite. > > E ciudat cum de ma ingrijoreaza mai mult decat ceea ce cred > oamenii despre mine si mai putin ceea ce crede Dumnezeu despre > mine. > > Ce credeti? > > Trimiteti mesajul mai departe daca credeti ca este bun. Daca > nu, atunci pur si simplu aruncati-l la cos, si nimeni nu va sti ca ati > facut-o. dar, daca o faceti, atunci nu va mai plangeti de starea > proasta in care a ajuns lumea! > > _________________________________________________________________ > The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE* > http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail > > > >
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