Travis called me a few minutes ago to tell me to turn on the CBC. They were showing film from the service in Ottawa today. I was so touched. And then they cut to someone singing 'America the Beautiful' at the service in the US today and the dam finally broke. I sobbed. I still have tears in my eyes. I hope I can get past this now and get on with the healing. We all need to muster every bit of courage and hope we have. I've been feeling awful ever since Tuesday morning, feeling very depressed, afraid and angry. It's time to get past that now. Time to go forward. I really was thinking of unsubbing yesterday. I spent from the time I got home til about 8 pm just sitting here reading email and hurting. Hurting from the pain and loss so many of us suffered and hurting from the pain some were inflicting on each other. But by the time I finished, the tide had turned. People began to realize that we were all emotionally overwrought and words spoken in anger were sincerely repented and regretted. Today after reading Kay Ashley's post, reading about Debra Shea's ordeal, reading Anne Sandstrom's good news, looking at Nuriel's greeting cards and feeling all of the outpouring of support from all of you, I am so glad I did not act rashly. I would miss you all so dreadfully if I couldn't go to the computer and read your words and feel your support. In all honesty I don't think there was anything that anyone said that was going to make Marcel change his ways. Marcel seems to have an over-riding need to believe that he is right - always right. I just don't see him changing. I got to where I deleted his political diatribes unread. I think I probably did that with one or two private emails as well. I did read his last post and could only shake my head at his lame attempts to blame the Clintons for our present woes. But it didn't surprise me in the least. He didn't really bother me much personally. Usually if I didn't respond to him, I didn't hear from him again. I'm sorry other people weren't so lucky. Sometimes he wrote beautifully about Joni & music and his Jonifest posts were wonderful. But I just couldn't stomach his blind arrogance. I really hate for anybody to be exiled from the list but I honestly think Les did the right thing. I feel I need to apologize for the dark nature of my posts in recent days. This afternoon at work as I sat at my computer, unable to concentrate or get anything done I started to wonder if I was losing my mind. I felt that drained and depressed. But I think I'm past it now. I will try to be better at being positive and joining in the spirit that others have shown here of hope and belief in the basic goodness of human beings. Didn't Anne Frank say something about that? A good lesson to us all. At 12:30 this afternoon, Seattle observed a moment of silence. Some of us gathered outside our building and a coworker led us in the Pledge of Allegiance and in singing 'America the Beautiful'. Sirens & horns then rang out over Elliott Bay and we all stood in silent prayer & reflection. Then another coworker rang a bell and we went back to work. Tonight at 7pm pst I lit a candle and put it in the front window. Thank you all for every personal story and every word of hope and encouragement from all of our friends all over the planet. I don't want to leave this caring community even though I sometimes feel like I'm slipping further & further into the fringes of it. I hope Michael Paz comes back soon. The man has a huge heart and a noble & beautiful spirit. We are diminished by his absence. The same goes for you, Dulson. Steve is one of the kindest & nicest souls I have ever encountered. Come back soon, you guys. We need you both. Peace & Love to You All Mark E
