Hi, all --
I got this from a friend in Rhode Island, who said *she* got it from Catholic
relatives in Australia. I suspect it's been around the block a few times,
but it did contain some charming mondegreens and child-like
misunderstandings, so in case you haven't see in before:
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions
about the Old and New Testaments.
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called
Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah.
6. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.
7. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went
up
on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
8. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
9. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews
in the battle of Geritol.
10. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
11. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
12. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
13. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the
MagnaCarta.
14. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus
in the manager.
15. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
16. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
before
they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat
alone."
17. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
18. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
19. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
20. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
21. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is
another name for marriage.
22. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
&
A PEACEFUL NEW YEAR,
Walt
