> Pretzelgate: What Really Happened? > David Turnley, AlterNet
> January 14, 2002 > > Last weekend President Bush was reported to have choked on a pretzel, passed > out and suffered a bruise on his cheek after hitting the floor. Given this > highly unusual chain of events, speculation has been rampant as to what > really caused the contusion on the presidential facade. > > > The official White House line says that the president was alone with his > dogs watching a football game while the First Lady was in another room "on > the telephone." But other accounts put different people and animals in the room with Bush, including Vice President Cheney, national security advisor > Condi Rice, seven male strippers (with tassels), defense secretary Donald > Rumsfeld (also with tassels) and Bush's daughters. > > > Some of the rumors about the true cause of Bush's wound include: > > > -- Fighting with his dogs over the pretzels. > > > -- Breaking up a drunken brawl between daughters Jenna and Little Barbara. > > > -- The President wanted to watch "SpongeBob SquarePants." Rumsfeld wanted to > watch "Rumsfeld's Greatest Press Conferences." Melee ensued. > > > -- Bush tipped over while goofing off in Cheney's wheelchair. > > > -- The president wrestled an unidentified primate for the last pretzel. > > > -- Rice smacked him for not listening during a national security briefing. > > > -- The president was over-exuberant while rubbing cash from Enron CEO > Kenneth Lay on his face. > > > -- During strippers' faithful rendition of "Snow White and the Seven > Dwarves," Happy got a little too happy with Snow White, if you know what I > mean. These are just some of the theories being batted around (by batty people like me -- actually [confession time] -- these were thought up not by me, but by someone named David Turnley at AlterNate, and forwarded to me me by one of my equally batty sisters). In any case, I'm happy to hear of other theories. hugs, Walt
