Hi, all, There's definitely Joni content to this -- I've been working for 3 months on a "pastiche" of three Joni songs; I've finally got the music more or less down -- all three songs (Sunny Sunday, Harry's House, I Don't Know Where I Stand) are now in the same key, and I've got bridges worked out, pretty much. My suspicion that SS and IDKWIS are sort of harmonically similar have been confirmed, to my satisfaction.
But I need help. I am NOT a poet, and I had to do some fiddling with -- okay, replacement of -- the lyrics of HH, which I use as a bridge between the two other songs. So in the "B" sections below, help, if you can -- the sense I'm trying to convey is obvious, but I'm insecure as to how it sounds, how it flows poetically. Second piece of advice: Should I end the pastiche at the first "fade out", as per my original plan, or should I extend it, as shown below -- something that I've been fiddling with just recently? Does the extension overdrive the theme of indecision leading to being trapped, or is the repetition of the theme justified? I really would appreciate any comments, advice, help, or criticism. Thanks to all in advance for your patience. Pasticcio: Indecision and Regret (A = Sunny Sunday, B = [tune of] Harry's House, C = I Don't Know Where I Stand) A. She pulls the shade It's just another Sunny Sunday She dodges the light like Blanche Dubois Bright colors fade away On such a Sunny Sunday She waits for the night to fall... [bridge] B. She drifts back to the memory Of her naiveti in youth When the choices seemed so endless Had she only known the truth! [intro. to IDKWIS] C. Funny day, looking for laughter and finding it there Sunny day Braiding wild flowers And leaves in my hair Picked up a pencil and wrote "I love you" In my finest hand I wanted to send it, But I don't know where I stand. [scat] Telephone-- Even the sound of your voice is still new All alone, in California And talking to you And feeling too foolish and strange to say The words that I had planned I guess it's too early, 'Cause I don't know where I stand [bridge] B. In time, her options dwindled Choices made in haste Or lost through indecision She shudders at the waste [bridge] A. Then she points a pistol Through the door And she aims at the streetlight While the freeway hisses Dogs bark as the gun falls to the floor The streetlight's still burning She always misses... [quick fade to...] C. I know that I miss you But I don't know where I stand [quick fade back to...] A. She always misses But the day she hits, That's the day she'll leave That one little victory That's all she needs She pulls the shade It's just another sunny Monday She waits for the night to fall... (fade out... OR) [Okay, that was the end of the pastiche, until recently, when I started fiddling with a possible extension, shown here] [bridge back to IDKWIS] C. I wanted to send it, But I guess it's too early, See, I know that I miss you, But I don't know where I stand [IDKWIS scat blending into Sunny Sunday theme, which it does quite nicely, btw] A. She pulls the shade It's just another sunny Tuesday She waits for the night to fall... (fade out) Thanks, everybody! hugs and stuff, Walt
