I have been told that I have not been posting any Gage stories lately. Tonight when we got together he said, Poppa, can we go see a movie, and i said, yes, and then he said, can we go see two movies? And that is a tradition because we always see two movies.
But: I had first thing this morning checked the movie listings for our little small rural hick town 8 screen multiplex and these were the 3 movies in the categories of "movies that a 7 year old boy might go to with grandpa:" that dreadful Master of Disguise with that dreadful Dana Carvey (who was funny, once, back in the day, when the universe was young) that dreadful Austin Powers 2 thing that was overdone a long time ago (they made a sequel, is there no deceny left in Hollywood) that dreadful Spy Kids 2 (they made a sequel, is there no deceny left in Hollywood) and after giving thanks that he is a boy so that the dreadful Berry Bear movie was at least not an option (if I ever have a granddaughter we will never go to the movies, I would never survive a Little Pony or Little Mermaid or Little Ballerina movie or whatever disgusting sexist tripe they market to preteen girls), knowing that I was going to have to see 2 of those 3 movies, I still said, "yes, we can go see two movies." Never was there a truer love of grandparent for grandchild. Now we have a rule: we never, ever leave a movie early. Never leave a movie at any time. I did volunteer to get him refills in the middle of Spy Kids 2 (the authors of that script, the director, and the producers should be locked in an asylum and Antonio Banderas should have his equity card burned) and then, 1/3 of the way through Austin Powrs, he says, can we leave, he has a headache. Knowing what I paid for those tickets, I am caught in the moral dilemma of: do we stick with our agreed policy and persevere through the movie, a general principal of mine never once broken in 50 years of life, which means I continue to sit through Austin Powers, or do I break the guiding movie principal of a life time and leave a movie early? We left. And now Gage is asleep on the futon, from he told me, he had his first sinus headache, and I left in despair at the state of Hollywood. The previews of the new Harry Potter and the new Lord of the Rings looked tremendous, so damn good, I can't wait until they come out (11-15 for HP, 12-18 for LOTR). And I thought, were was Spiderman when I needed him tonight. Why couldn't that still be playing? And Michael York in Austin Powers - I almost cried. But I didn't because there is no way to tell a 7 year old grandchild, "see that old guy on the screen who looks so haggard? Your poppa had a crush on him when Cabaret came out, I thought he was hot!" And where is Miss Manners when I need her? Gage's mother gave me my invitation to her upcoming wedding in october, and also gave me an invitation to give to my former partner. And I am thinking - does she know he and I have been apart and that he has a little male strumpet living with him? And how do i tell my ex, yeah, here's your invit, and if you bring that little whore within 10 miles of that wedding or reception I will castrate you both right there on the spot? Is there a polite way to say that? Gage has ben sleeping soundly while I keyboarded this and I guess I can now safely turn off the Cartoon network from my tv. Vince NP: The Land Before Time, for the 1,367th time, can't the fucking Cartoon Network buy a few new cartoons?
