> var $items = $('<items><item>Hello</item><item>world</item>...

jQuery will try to parse that with the browser's HTML parser, but it's
not HTML. I don't know if that will cause you sorrow or not.

http://groups.google.com/group/jquery-en/browse_thread/thread/95718c9aab2c7483/af37adcb54b816c3

As for getting the index, maybe something like this?

  $items.find('#my_item').prevAll().length

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