The Corporate Education Act Becomes Law
by Luke Hiken / July 28th, 2011
Republican lawmakers were ecstatic today to
announce passage of
the Corporate Education Act (CEA). The President expressed his support
for the Act because the Republican sides of both the House and the
Senate had backed it, and that meant it was certainly good enough for
Obama. Democrats went along with the Act because they didn’t want to
lose the potential financial support of the corporations that would
benefit from the CEA.
The first order of business after the passage of the CEA will be to
close all of the existing “liberal arts” colleges in the
country. As Senator Boner pointed out, the whole concept of “liberal” is
passé, and “art” has nothing to do with good job performance. Instead,
the CEA will ensure that all education is geared towards employment with
America’s leading corporations, and graduates will have been properly
trained and groomed to serve these corporate interests. He chuckled at
the thought that “liberal arts” ever had the backing of any patriotic
citizens.
The government is determined to set priorities for
corporate involvement in educating America’s students:
Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop and other major military contractors
will, of course, have the first shot at the top students, teaching
courses that will assist them in weapons development and military
research. There will be a strong emphasis on science and mathematics,
and courses of questionable utility, such as English,
literature, history, philosophy and education, will be placed on a back
burner.
The next range of businesses to receive students, after the military
contractors, and their assistants at the Pentagon, will be
the Wall Street financiers. Their particular expertise, at teaching
students how to squeeze the maximum profits out of American citizens
without actually producing anything of value, is seen as a specialized
form of economics, and one necessitating Wall Street’s leadership. Of
course, hedge fund brokers, mortgage speculators and other financial
advisors will work closely with corporations such as Goldman Sachs to
ensure that every aspect of U.S. business will receive their quota of
graduating students.
After the corporations mentioned above, the next in line will be the
insurance industry, pharmaceutical companies, and
other institutions that have made a profit during the last 6 years in
the face of America’s failing economy. It was felt that anyone who could
make a profit in the current political environment deserved unlimited
support.
The CEA was drafted so as to provide public funding for the education
that students will receive in order to work for the corporations
that will run the academic senates of the universities. After all,
private corporations should not be burdened with the need to pay for the
education of students who will work for them in later life. Since an
educated work force is a prerequisite to the success of any corporation,
it is obvious that the public should bear the burden of making sure the
CEA functions efficiently.
Democratic leaders explained that several concerns will be met
through passage of the CEA: It will get rid of those students
who cannot compete in the corporate environment, and will therefore
likely become a financial burden on the society. Scholarships will also
be unnecessary, since students will be assured jobs at the corporations
that sponsored and educated them, and the initial costs of their
education will be borne by the public. Finally, by making sure that all
future graduates will be assured employment with one of the corporations
that run the system, the public will save billions of dollars by not
having to educate worthless, stupid youth, who can’t compete in
the corporate world.
Because most children don’t know what they want to be when they grow
up, and certainly, under the older system, had no idea where they would
find employment, the Congress determined that it was a waste of time
and money to teach such children until they were older, and had a better
sense of direction. By obviating the need for special education,
scholarship programs, or “affirmative action,” the Congress was able to
drastically lower the amount of funds and resources needed for what used
to constitute widespread, wasteful education.
The teaching workforce will also be affected positively. Since the
corporations and businesses who will train and educate the students are
in the best position to know what courses and curriculum will best
suit their needs, the kind of wasted efforts on language skills,
history, philosophy and other abstract, impractical classes that
characterized the old university systems, can be modified to delete such
unwarranted “luxuries.”
Another positive impact that the CEA will have is to end those pesky
teacher’s unions, and support systems that existed under the
old educational system. Since the targeted corporations will determine
teachers and curriculum, most teachers will already be covered by
corporate employment contracts, and therefore no other superfluous
union-type of structure will be necessary, or desirable.
When Hillary Clinton heard of the CEA, she was extremely pleased, and
promised to bring the same formula to the State Department, as a means
of streamlining the educational system, and getting rid of the
“dead weight” that existed pre-Obama.
Luke Hiken is an attorney who has engaged in
the practice of criminal, immigration, and appellate law. Read other articles
by Luke, or visit Luke's website.
http://dissidentvoice.org/2011/07/the-corporate-education-act-becomes-law/#more-35283
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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