Maybe this Royal Baby, we see as a teenager the end of the monarchy and capitalism all at the same time...Cort--------------Dear Royal Baby: We Americans apologize for our Revolution; please be our Absolute Monarch<http://www.juancole.com/2013/07/americans-apologize-revolution.html>
Posted on 07/23/2013 by Juan Cole Dear Royal Baby: You had an ancestor named King George III that we Americans said a lot of nasty things about, and wed like to apologize to you, since you seem like a nice baby and anyway, weve gotten over our dissatisfaction with your Highnesss family. We wonder if youd like to take back over in a few years. See, our own ancestors really minded taxation without representation, and, no offense, but your great great great etc. grandfather didnt let us have real representation but gladly put taxes on things like our tea. But we no longer mind the principle of taxation without representation. Were actively trying to make it difficult for our poor people, minorities and college students to vote. We also wont let 5 million people convicted of artificially defined felonies vote or run for office (sometimes inflicting $250 of property damages can make you a felon). All of these individuals pay Federal social security taxes if they work (and they all do at some point in their lives), which go into the general budget. Many pay state taxes, too. But were going to see if we can stop them from having representation even though they pay taxes. Well make them have i.d., which will require them to spend a lot of time running around and standing in line at the DMV, and will cost them money that they often dont have. Anyway, we want them unrepresented but we want to raise their taxes. So there really wasnt any point in making all that trouble at Boston Harbor over the tea taxes set by your ancestor. Were fine with the way he used to do things, now. Our silly ancestors also used to mind the imposition of the Anglican Church as the State Church. Im afraid your forebear was pretty hard on Quakers, who didnt get baptized; that was jailtime for them. Our founders minded having their souls ordered around that way and wanted to forbid the Establishment of any religion. But weve rethought this idea. Weve decided that since some forms of Christianity forbid abortion, were going to make it impossible for women to have abortions in states like Texas. Although abortion is perfectly legal, weve managed to ensure that 88% of counties in the country dont have an abortion clinic or other facility where one can be performed. We dont outright forbid it, we just set up Catch-22s to make it impossible. We are going to reestablish the old 18th century Anglican precepts in a lot of areas of life. This guy Cuccinelli in Virginia wants to bring back sodomy laws<http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/25/ken-cuccinelli-sodomy-supreme-court_n_3498444.html>, something King Georges police knew all about. Since your royal Highness is the future head of the Anglican church, wed like you to take back over dictating our spiritual lives to us. Given the changes in Anglicanism, you might not be able to help us with that sodomy thing (youll have to wait a while before we let you know what that is). But as absolute monarch slash head of the official Church of the United Kingdom of American States, youd get us close to the model that Ted Cruz and Steven King are trying to impose on us, and its a little unlikely that you will be anywhere nearly as bonkers as they are. King George III angered our ancestors by issuing writs of assistance<http://www.juancole.com/2013/07/unreasonable-documents-revolution.html> a kind of blanket search warrant that allowed police to enter private homes and businesses on fishing expeditions for evidence of smuggling. (Your ancestor was as hung up on smuggling as we are now about terrorism). For a while we had this silly fourth amendment to our constitution that required that police get a warrant before they went snooping through our records. But weve decided to bring back the writs of assistance, which we now call national security letters. And weve decided that the government can go through millions of our private records all they like, without a warrant or evidence of wrongdoing or even specific search in mind. Were going to let the police know who we call, when, for how long, and where we were when we did it. No offense, but your great-grandmother presides over a government that is running a Tempora program scooping up a lot of our emails and phone calls from the transatlantic fiber optic cables, and weve assigned 250 National Security Agency analysts to go through that material. I know thats a lot of long words, but one day youll understand. The point is only that our government now is doing things to us with your governments help that king George III wouldnt have dreamed of, which wouldnt even have been legal under the 18th century monarchy, whose courts afforded people more privacy than ours do now. So we now think that John Adams was a little crazy to be upset about a few police in peoples living rooms reading their mail without permission. You might as well read our mail as our hypocrite president, who had campaigned on restoring our privacy. All youll need is a password to the vast database. We think you should just invade our privacy all the time and be Our Majesty. A lot of other things, like freedom of the press, freedom of speech and freedom of peaceable assembly, which seemed like a good idea in 1789, now seem really dangerous to us and weve started to agree with King George III about the undesirability of those liberties. So were going to prosecute journalists for receiving classified information and publishing it, even if they werent the ones who took it from the government. And were going to chase whistleblowers around the world and charge them with espionage even though they only revealed their information to the American people. So that pretty much wraps up freedom of speech and the press. We dont allow freedom of assembly any more. Weve privatized all the places you could have a public protest, so all protests are actually a form of trespassing. If anyone tries to organize protests, even on behalf of clean water and air, well have the FBI visit them. And well tap their phone. So the way your ancestor King George III did things is just fine with us now. <http://www.fofweb.com/History/HistRefMain.asp?iPin=ARFA01&SID=2&DatabaseName=American+History+Online&InputText=%22First+Continental+Congress%22&SearchStyle=&dTitle=%26%2334%3BHistorical+Origins+of+Freedom+of+Assembly%26%2334%3B&TabRecordType=All+Records&BioCountPass=48&SubCountPass=23&DocCountPass=7&ImgCountPass=5&MapCountPass=0&FedCountPass=&MedCountPass=5&NewsCountPass=0&RecPosition=78&AmericanData=Set&WomenData=&AFHCData=&IndianData=&WorldData=&AncientData=&GovernmentData=>In fact, we think he was kind of a wuss and are hoping youll take a firmer hand. Our foolish forebears minded the torture and cruel and unusual punishments<http://www.wnd.com/2013/03/the-cruel-and-unusual-8th-amendment/> imposed by King George III. But we have gone back to torturing people (though we do it at black sites). We also execute people via drone without due process. We hold people without charge or trial at Guantanamo and force-feed them. We put Bradley Manning in solitary for a year, kept him naked and chained, and woke him up several times a night for months in a row. Your royal ancestors knew all about isolating people in Towers or using sleep deprivation tactics, so youll one day understand what Im saying here. I could go on and on about how misguided that whole 1776 thing was, and how weve now given up almost everything it was originally about. We really were mean to your great great etc. grandfather. We didnt understand that he did what he did to keep us and the empire safe. The empire, as youll one day understand, always comes first. So, you know, take your time. Youll want to be able to walk and say a few words. Get potty-trained ( though that isnt really a prerequisite for our politicians). But as soon as you can, wed like you to become monarch of the United Kingdom of the American States and rule us as an absolute monarch. You wont understand yet, but there are also these black leather toys wed like you to use on us, now that were so past those absurd liberties. Besides, were the ones who are really excited by the royals, so why not just admit that we are not republicans any more? Thanks for considering this modest proposal, royal baby. Welcome home. 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