This is a cut-&-paste from an email I receive from the BBC programme "Newsnight", so I'll have to assume permissionhas been given to send it on, but it's just too funny not to share! As it seems to slander all nations equally, I'll make no apologies for the content.
Linda Walton, in High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, U.K. Finally, in the run-up to the rugby world cup quarter-finals, news to offend most nations from Joanna Forman in Sydney. Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks performance of the 'Haka' before their games, the Board has now agreed the following pre-match rituals of their own. A. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them now. Failing that they will see what the Americans are doing and join in. B. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents' heads. C. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion following representations from the RSPCA. D. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the England team. E. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves. F. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and make lots of films to prove it. G. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the team to ransom. H. The Italian team will arrive in bright red cars, harass the female stewards and then run away. I. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are all mad. They will then park lorries across the half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (unless playing Wales) and burn the officials. However they may not attend the World Cup at all as it involves the deployment of Frenchmen in another part of the world. J. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush. K. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents' dressing room. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
