Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." ------------------------------------------------------------------ A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?" " Twelve thirty." ------------------------------------------------------------------ Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Well, you said 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' Doc - so that's what I'm doing." The doctor looked puzzled for a few seconds before the light came on. "I didn't say that. I said, 'You got a heart murmur. Be careful.'" ------------------------------------------------------------------ A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "arthritis." ------------------------------------------------------------------ "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." ------------------------------------------------------------------ The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?" ------------------------------------------------------------------ I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But..... Thank goodness, I still have my driver's license! ------------------------------------------------ ----------------- A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- God, grant me the senility To forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune To run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference. ------------------------------------------------------------------ At 85 years of age, Morris marries Lou Anne. A lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new, but aged, husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed, and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes; the door opens and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom, ready for "action." They "unite as one." All goes well; Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again, he is ready for "action." Somewhat surprised, but nonetheless willing, Lou Anne consents to more "conjugal bliss." When the love-birds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but Morris is back again, rapping on the door, as fresh as a 25-year old. Ready for more passion. Once again, they enjoy one another. But as Morris prepares to leave again, his young bride says to him: "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here already?" To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
