Not sure if number 2 would work in the UK (hitting the # key), but I
certainly do all the rest in David's email.
My best result for number (1) "Hold on please", was when the caller rang
back because "we'd been cut off somehow". I told her she'd tried to waste my
time, so now I was wasting hers, and would she hold on please. When I heard
the beep, beep after she rang off that time, I put the receiver back and she
immediately rang a third time. This time she screamed "You're pathetic!", to
whch I replied "I think it's you that's pathetic for bothering to ring me to
tell me I'm pathetic." and I left the phone off the hook again. She didn't
ring back a fourth time.
Jean in Poole, Dorset, UK
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