Do other ex-pats feel as isolated as I do? I don't
mean those of you have lived years in their adopted
country but more recent emigrants. Or is it just a
language thing? (I speak just about enough Dutch to do
my shopping but anything more would be a problem).
Sorry, this probably should move to Chat now (and I
think I sound a bit of a wimp!) but I'd be interested
to hear comments.
Hazel (in Oude Wetering, Holland. Formerly of
Southampton, UK)
It's not just a language thing - although that must make everything even
worse. I moved from the outskirts of London to the United States in August
1999, and now feel very comfortable here and "at home". That was when we
gained internet access at home, and I was able to join Arachne for myself
(instead of my husband printing off digests for me to read at home). Arachne
was a lifeline - daily communication on a subject that fascinates me - and a
continuity of people whom I feel that I have come to know. People who were
willing to provide advice on any subject. Arachne was and is wonderful.
Those first few weeks and months were terrible - and I spent a lot of time
crying in loneliness. I used to go shopping simply to hear someone speaking.
It was quite frightening being in a new environment, and not knowing the
rules and customs. After the first ten days, my husband and son went to work
and school - and I was alone in the house. I had been a homemaker in
England, so the being alone for most of the day was not new, but there was
no-one to turn to, and I felt uncomfortable about calling England all the
time to speak with friends and relatives.
Gradually links were made. I was determined not to become part of the ex-pat
community, and to integrate myself into local life instead - and to that end
became fairly involved in the junior high school & very involved in the
local church and a local needlearts group. These have been places to make
friends and get to know people. It has worked, but took a lot of time. When
I got cancer in 2005, I was greatly supported by both church and needlearts
group, and was amazed to discover how many people cared, and the lengths
these people were prepared to go to to help me. (My son is now in college,
so I no longer have strong connections with the junior high, the final links
being lost when I was unable to continue teaching lace after school because
of the cancer. Now I am still cancer free after surgery and a year of
immunotherapy, and much more able to participate in things again).
I suspect that after a certain stage of life, even moving towns within one's
native country would feel isolating to start off with. Somehow you have to
build links with the community - and I wish you well doing so. I can't
recall how long it took to settle in this area, but it does take time and
determination. So hang in there, find a group you want to belong to and get
stuck in, maybe learn Dutch - but from the Dutch ex-pats I knew in London,
this would not be necessary as their English was wonderful.
I hope this all helps
Sue
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