If this does not sound familiar, then take pity...
not so far from the truth... sadly, but funny as I read this, nodded
and said yes!
D id you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to Hell?? It
took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You may be a nurse if.....
........You believe that every patient needs TLC... That is:
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine. (sedatives)
........You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer
system some night in a dark alley.
.........You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.
.........Your sense of humour gets more warped each year.
.........Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital
pillowcases. And their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.
........You know the phone number of every late night food delivery
place by heart.
.........Almost everything can seem funny .... Eventually.
.........When asked by the doctor what colour that patient's
diarrhoea was, you show them your shoes. If they missed your shoes,
you use the well-known "Poo/Curry Colour Comparison Scale" ranging
from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.
........You can identify different causes of diarrhoea just by the
smell of it.
........Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all
the keys, scissors and clamps in your pockets.
........You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants
when you're on holiday.
.........Your family refuse to let you watch ER because you spend the
whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside-down X-rays.
........You avoid answering the phone on your day off in case anyone
from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.
.........You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone
at another table throw up.
........You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than
you did before you started nursing.
........You've seriously considered catheterising your children
before a long car journey.
........Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4
of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives on them.
........You don't get worried about blood; unless it's your own.
........You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle;
to convince the Doctor is more difficult"
........You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml bladder
washout syringe.
........You've told a confused patient that your name was that of one
of your fellow nurses, and to shout if they need help. heck you just
tell them all, confused or not!
........Eating chips out of a clean (unused!) vomit bowl is perfectly
normal. acceptable
........Your bladder can expand to the size of a petrol tanker's tank.
........When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't
sure of the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.
........You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in
supermarket queues.
........You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your
dinner break, AND are not embarrassed when you wake up with your head
in the soup.
........You avoid unwell looking people in the shopping centre for
fear that they will drop dead near you and you'll have to do CPR on
your day off, without a Laerdal mask.
........You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed
sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos. the bed sheet
bit is true...
........You often stay awake for 24 hrs at a time when you work
nights and realise that you don't actually need alcohol or drugs to
hallucinate, just lack of sleep...
.........You pull over in a layby after working nights because you
are too tired to drive all the way home, and wake up to someone
knocking on your window thinking you've had a stroke because you've
passed out in your car and are drooling.
........Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
........You've seen more penises than any prostitute.
If you are not a nurse but have been sent this by a friend who is,
it's just to help you understand our mindset and questionable and
often worrying mental state!
EXPLAINS A LOT!!!
David in Ballarat
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