Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on pigs and magpie geese during the wet
and would go to the coast and live on barra and prawns in the dry .
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get
man to the beer.
These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Soldiers
2. Greenies
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminium can
were invented yet,
so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as the Soldier movement
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the Soldiers by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Greenies movement.
Some of these Greenies eventually evolved into women. They became
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Greenie achievements include
the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group
hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the
meat and beer that the Soldiers provided.
Modern Greenies like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Greenie fare. Another
interesting evolutionary side note:
most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men
Soldiers drink domestic beer, mostly XXXX, VB or Rum. They eat red
meat and still provide for their women
Here ends today's lesson in world history
It should be noted that a Greenie may have a momentary urge to
angrily respond to the above before forwarding it
Soldiers will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to
other true believers and to more Greenies just to piss them off
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self,
I'm going to have another beer/Rum.
David in Ballarat, AUS
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