Leeds United involved in professional football match at York. Insiders reveal that no actual goals were scored and that no actual "points" were won or lost; but we can exclusively reveal that a professional football match has definitely taken place with the direct involvement of fallen giants Leeds United. Former Champions League semi finalists Leeds travelled to York and there are now definite signs that Leeds may have drifted back to their bad old ways and are once again getting involved in playing football. The football league have launched an investigation. It is understood that the football on offer at this "event" was the less restricted and far less addictive PSF type which remains unclassified and is less serious than the previous Leeds dalliances. Chairman Ken Bates was contacted by telephone in the tax haven of Monaco and he said "fuck off. It's my club and I'm the bloody chairman. I can do what the fuck I like with it and it's up to me not you whether we play fucking football or not. Piss off and where the fuck did you get this number". When pressed Bates went on "Look I know nothing about it so you will have to ask those useless fucking accountants in Leeds". Team Manager Wise told us "If you want to talk about this then I'm gonna ask you outside. Bring your mate from Sky with you - I'll sort both of you out, no problem. You'll never play for your team again if it's anything to do with me. You'll never find your pencil again by the time I'm finished". There was no comment from Leeds' legal advisers today. We are so proud.
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