---- Original Message ----- 
> I've got the wood for a pyre in the garden, but I need suggestions
as to what to put on it.

You need a KFC box to put on it.
The box will need to look good from the outside under superficial inspection or 
from a distance, but actually be decidedly grubby under closer investigation.
It also needs to be totally empty and without the meat or other nourishment to 
make it worthwhile keeping. 
If it is fairly fire-resistant and very slippery then it may take some time to 
get rid of but the effort will be worthwhile when it is finally gone.
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