What happened to step 5 of the kill and eat scenario?
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Adam Thornton cc: (bcc: Michael Short/Towers
Perrin)
<athornton@sineno Subject: Re: [OT] Neale's effective
use of irony and
mine.net> sarcasm
Sent by: Linux on
390 Port
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]
IST.EDU>
06/06/2002 11:24
AM
Please respond to
Linux on 390 Port
On Thu, Jun 06, 2002 at 08:14:44AM -0500, Dave Jones wrote:
> > Alan
> > PS: you can export all the outback steakhouses you like providing you
> > promise to take back fosters, XXXX and rolf harris 8)
> Sorry, Alan, but the Outback Steakhouse is a purely American invention;
> founded in Tampa FL, in 1988.
> I don't belive the three founders have even been to Austrailia yet......:
-)
As should be obvious.
Adam's Field Guide to Australian Cuisine:
Step One:
Identify the Thing You Wish to Eat. Realize it's deathly toxic and if
it so much as breathes if your general direction you will die
miserably and panfully. Drink a beer to cope with your nervousness.
Note: this applies to both flora and fauna And yes, Australian flora
are perfectly capable of stalking you, injecting you with some hideous
toxin, and then devouring you.
Step Two: Attempt to kill the thing you wish to eat. Preferably from a
very long way away, with ranged weapons. If it figures out where the
hail of missile fire is coming from, run away very quickly before it can
poison you, &c. This will be long and thirsty work, especially since
Australia is a land where it never rains and the temperature never dips
below 140F. So drink a couple more beers.
Step Three: Retrieve the Body. Note that you will not be the only one
who thinks consuming this thing is a good idea, so you'll basically have
to repeat Step Two a bunch of times, except that you can't run away,
because then you'd be abandoning your kill. Between the sweating and
the peeing yourself in terror because of the sheer ferocity of the other
predators, you will be losing a lot of fluid, so drink more beer.
Step Four: Remove the Poison Sacs/Venom Glands/Toxic whatevers from the
creature. Of course, if so much as a drop gets on you, or so much as a
whiff of vapor reaches you, it's hideous, painful death. This step
usually requires a Level Five Hazmat Facility. This is *really*
nevewracking, thus: beer.
Step Six: Grill, for a long time, over open flame. Heat tends to break
down toxins. This will, duh, be quite hot. So you should drink some
beer.
Step Seven: Eat. While you're waiting to find out if you've killed
yourself hideously and painfully, drink some more beer.
Remember in _The Road Warrior_, where Max eats a can of dogfood, and
then gives the empty can to his dog? You thought that was a
post-apocalyptic thing? Nah. That's just the way Australians eat,
because it's so much safer than trying to eat anything that naturally
occurs there.
Adam
