A Long Tale Of The Sharks Upon The Land
Once upon a time, O Sultan - hear my story and take heed! - there lived a sailor. He was, as all experienced sailors are, humble, sober, and honest to a fault... upon the Sea at least, where these things must be so lest a sailor's days under the Sun be cut suddenly short. Upon the land - well, he tried his level best, which is all that can be said for mortal men. Suffice it to say that he cheated none, and expected - poor simple soul that he was! - to be treated likewise, and did not accept this sort of disappointment cheerfully. One fine day, while repairing his ship - for ships take as much primping and cosseting as the highest-priced courtesan of Baghdad, O Sultan, and woe betide him that stints her the least bit of finery that she demands! - he discovered that he needed a new propeller shaft, as well as needing to replace the worn pins and bushings in his idler sheaves. So, after gathering the needed measurements and after carefully checking his supply of ready coin, he inquired after these things. The results fell out thus: 1) There was a wizard in the far land of Florida called "General Propeller", who would send a brand new shaft plus the coupling for $435 plus shipping. This wizard had a mighty reputation, and his long white beard attested to his years of experience at his craft. 2) There was also a local wizard (in Beaufort NC), called "Bircher Machine". When first asked by an intermediary, he cited increasing prices and quoted $800 for a new shaft (!) - but when our sailor looked him in the eye and asked directly, he revealed that, in the deepest recesses of his secret hideout, he had exactly the shaft that was needed - albeit used and somewhat long - for which he had paid only $100! The latter seemed suitable to our sailor; he would be saving money and patronizing a local business. In fact, visiting the local wizard's lair had been fun: there was much interesting machinery to be seen as well as evidence of the wizard's craft - a steam-driven ship, and scaled-down but fully functional cannons and mortars! The only sour note in all of that was... the price. You look confused and troubled, O Sultan. You say that you distinctly recall the price of the shaft as being $100? Let me, then, introduce you to the age-old salesman's trick called "get them hooked, then drive home the shaft." Am I confusing metaphors, O great one? A thousand pardons... let us go on. The wizard had indeed mentioned that he would need to get his $100 out of the shaft - but the bill that he wrote up was $400. This, mind you, included a trade-in for the sailor's old bronze shaft - it seems he was being granted a favor, what luck! When the now-confused sailor asked for the reason, he heard a long and complicated explanation: a shaft of this sort would normally cost him $700, but since he was getting it so cheap, he shouldn't mind paying for a little work... after all, the shaft needed to be cut and faced, and a new coupling needed to be machined... When the sailor mentioned the price from the Florida wizard - which included the coupling - this was waved off with tales of possibly bent shafts, and HUGE shipping charges, and yards adding mysterious extra charges, which would bring the price up, up, and up... and would take a long time besides, while this local miracle of technology could be his in just a short couple of days - well, after the weekend had passed, anyway. And it _was_ cheaper anyway, so... The sailor, by now tired and confused, agreed. While he was there, he also mentioned that he needed to replace the worn-out bushings and pins, and asked the wizard if these could be ordered (the price of the bushings being under a dollar apiece, and the replacement process but a few seconds with a press which was sitting right there in the shop.) The wizard agreed, saying that he could get the parts in a day or two, and the sailor headed for home, with this repair item being moved into the "in process" column on his mental checklist. As the days passed, and there was no phone call from the local wizard, our sailor began to worry. He called, and called, and finally got an answer: his shaft would be ready tomorrow. Well, probably. But Friday for *sure!* (Just to note, O Sultan: that would make the total time more than a week, since the sailor had originally gone to the shop on the preceding Wednesday.) So, Wednesday, no shaft. Thursday, not yet - but almost! - ready. Friday... OK, it's done!!!, and... - "That'll be $900, please." Our sailor was... a bit non-plussed (that's an expression we story-tellers use, O Sultan, to make fun of the fact that he was in fact flabbergasted and could barely say a word.) - "What are you _talking_ about? $900 for what?" - "Well, you see, the real price of this shaft is $700..." - "No, we've been over that before. You wrote me a bill for $400, remember?" - "Oh, right. Well, we had to order the oilite for your bushings and then machine it, and at $85 an hour..." - "I DID NOT ASK YOU TO DO THAT. I asked you to replace the bushings, about a 2-minute job on the press. The bushings are about a dollar apiece." - "Well, but they wouldn't fit nearly as well as the ones we made... fine, just come pick up your shaft. No, actually - IF YOU'RE GOING TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT, then I don't want to do business with you at all!" .... I know what you're thinking, O Sultan. Nine minus four equals five; therefore, our sailor was being asked to pay five hundred dollars for a pair of bushings and pins. Insanity? Greed shutting down any semblance of sense? Forgetting the agreed-upon price and then having too much stupid pride to back down? I suppose we'll never know. What's that you say, O Sultan? By the beard of the Prophet, I _did_ forget the customary "lived happily ever after" part, didn't I? Well. All right then; here's what we know, and the rest we must trust to the future: The sailor, after taking a few calming breaths, called the Wizard of Florida, who honored the original quoted price to the penny; the shipment would go out on Monday (the first business day following, as this was a Friday) and should arrive Wednesday; the shipping charges were not very high despite the quick delivery. Calling yet another wizard, Edson, who had originally produced the steering system, brought the shipment of new sheaves, including bushings and pins, on about the same schedule - with the cost being about $100 apiece (the old sheaves were a bit worn anyway, and replacing them was not a bad idea.) If all goes well, he should be back in the water by next Friday - and on his way south shortly thereafter. Thus endeth my tale, O Sultan. A bag of gold would make a good token of your esteem... Ben -- OKOPNIK CONSULTING Custom Computing Solutions For Your Business Expert-led Training | Dynamic, vital websites | Custom programming 443-250-7895 http://okopnik.com http://twitter.com/okopnik _______________________________________________ Liveaboard mailing list Liveaboard@liveaboardonline.com To adjust your membership settings over the web http://liveaboardonline.com/mailman/listinfo/liveaboard To subscribe send an email to liveaboard-j...@liveaboardonline.com To unsubscribe send an email to liveaboard-le...@liveaboardonline.com The archives are at http://www.liveaboardonline.com/pipermail/liveaboard/ To search the archives http://www.mail-archive.com/liveaboard@liveaboardnow.org The Mailman Users Guide can be found here http://www.gnu.org/software/mailman/mailman-member/index.html