* Top Nine Things To Do If You're Dateless On Valentine's Day!
-- 9 --
Send roses to yourself at work with a note included. Be sure
to act surprised when they are delivered. Open the note,
look flustered, and blurt out "Oh my! I'll have to wait to
read the rest of that later!"
-- 8 --
Set up an anonymous email account with a sexy handle such as
[EMAIL PROTECTED] Send yourself steamy emails,
sign them as "you know who" and "our little secret".
-- 7 --
Send Virtual Valentine Cards to yourself. Pick the ones with
sounds and bright colors so people will notice. Send at
least three a day.
-- 6 --
Start some gossip. When some of your coworkers are within
earshot, call home and leave yourself steamy messages on
your answering machine such as "Hey, baby. I've missed you
so much! Go start a bath and grab that bottle of champagne
we've been saving for that special night. Tonight is it."
-- 5 --
Ignore the holiday altogether. If friends ask tell them
you don't believe in Saint Valentine but are willing to
celebrate a different saint, Saint Patrick. Insist that
your friends protest Valentine's Day by boycotting chocolate,
convincing them that consuming green beer is less fattening.
-- 4 --
Call up your favorite radio station and dedicate the song
"I Want To Sex You Up" to yourself.
-- 3 --
Use Valentine's Day as an excellent opportunity to recycle.
Reseal the envelopes on all your old valentines and mark
"return to sender" on each and drop them in the mail. Be
certain to send those valentines back to ex's who are now
in a new relationships or married.
-- 2 --
Contact Jerry Springer and volunteer to become a guest
on the show featuring "Secret Romances Revealed". Then
scramble to find someone by using the phone book. Since 43%
of the population is single, your odds are pretty good, right?
-- 1 --
Decide to get a date at any cost. Join the All You Can Email Club and
start
responding to ads like crazy. Offer cash incentives, vacations and other
prizes in exchange for a Valentine's Day date.
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