[Fwd: [Fwd: FW: Joke]]

[Marina MacLean]

These are good.....Marina

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-------- Original Message --------


Subject: 

FW: Joke



Date: 

Mon, 27 May 2002 14:52:18 -0400



From: 

Ducross Donna <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>



To: 

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<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>




 
Here is the Laughs
of the day!  ENJOY !

----------

From:  
Dziob Cindy

Sent:  
May 21, 2002 12:13 PM

To:    
Ducross Donna

Subject:       
FW: Joke
    
HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD VACATION
... ENJOY THESE, THEY ARE FUNNY!!
-----Original Message-----

From: John JSPS [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]

Sent: Tuesday, May 21, 2002
10:40 AM

To: Hubbard Will; O'Connor
Victoria; Tony O'Connor; Carr Sue; Peter O'Connor; Donovich Peter; Jenkins
Nancy; Nancy Forrest; Mike Nelson; Draper Michelle; VLAINIC JOHN (St. Peters);
John F. O'Connor; John Burner; John Aaron O'Connor; Dziob Cindy; Freeman
Charlotte; Bev Clarke; King Bernice; Laine Beatriz; Dieleman Adrian; Andrew
Alan
Subject: Fw: Joke

 
----- Original Message -----

From: King
Bernice

To: 'Lorna
& Grant' ; John
O'Connor (E-mail 2) ; 'Jim
McAvoy'

Sent: Tuesday, May 21, 2002 9:14 AM

Subject: Joke

 

 

 

 
These are
cute!
1. Only
in America......can a pizza get to
your house
faster than an ambulance.
2. Only
in America......are there

handicap
parking places in front of a

skating
rink.
3. Only
in America......do drugstores

make the
sick walk all the way to the

back of
the store to get their

prescriptions
while healthy people can buy

cigarettes
at the front.
4. Only
in America......do people order

double
cheeseburgers, large fries,

and a diet
coke.
5. Only
in America......do banks leave

both doors
open and then chain the

pens to
the counters.
6. Only
in America......do we leave cars

worth thousands
of dollars in the

driveway
and put our useless junk in the

garage.
7. Only
in America......do we use

answering
machines to screen calls and

then have
call waiting so we won't miss a

call from
someone we didn't want

to talk
to in the first place.
8. Only
in America......do we buy hot

dogs in
packages of ten and buns in

packages
of eight.
9. Only
in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so
well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning

'many'
and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only
in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the
sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women
can't put on mascara with their

mouth closed?
Why don't
you ever see the headline

"Psychic
Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated"
such a

long word?
Why is it
that doctors call what they do

"practice"?
Why is it
that to stop Windows 98, you

have to
click on "Start"?
Why is lemon
juice made with artificial

flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made

with real
lemons?
Why is the
man who invests all your money

called
a broker?
Why is the
time of day with the slowest

traffic
called rush hour?
Why isn't
there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog
food is new and improved

tasting,
who tests it?
Why didn't
Noah swat those two

mosquitoes?
Why do they
sterilize the needle for

lethal
injections?
You know
that indestructible black box

that is
used on airplanes? Why don't

they make
the whole plane out of that

stuff?
Why don't
sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are
they called apartments when they

are all
stuck together?
If con is
the opposite of pro, is

Congress
the opposite of progress?
If flying
is so safe, why do they call

the airport
the terminal?
------------------

  
In case you needed further proof that the

human race
is doomed through stupidity,

here are
some actual label instructions

on consumer
goods.
On a Sears
hairdryer: Do not use while

sleeping.
( and that's the only time

I have
to work on my hair).
On a bag
of Fritos: ..You could be a

winner!
No purchase necessary.Details

inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar
of Dial soap: "Directions:

Use like
regular soap." (and that would

be how???....)
On some
Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving
suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's

"just"
a suggestion).
On Tesco's
Tiramisu dessert (printed on

bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh,
a bit late, huh)!
On Marks
& Spencer Bread

Pudding:"Product
will be hot after heating."

(...and
you thought????...)
On packaging
for a Rowenta iron: "Do

not iron
clothes on body." (but

wouldn't
this save me more time)?
On Boot's
Children Cough

Medicine:"Do
not drive a car or operate machinery

after taking
this medication." (We

could do
a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just

get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol
Sleep Aid: "Warning: May

cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most
brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor
or outdoor use only." (as

opposed
to...what)?
On a Japanese
food processor: "Not

to be used
for the other use." (now,

somebody
out there, help me on this. I'm

a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's
peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about
a news flash)
On an American
Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions:
Open packet, eat

nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's
superman costume:

"Wearing
of this garment does not enable you

to fly."
(I don't blame the company.

I blame
the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish
chainsaw:"Do not

attempt
to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of

this happening
somewhere?)
Now that
you've smiled at least once,

t's your
turn to spread the

stupidity
and send this to someone you want to

bring a
smile to (maybe even a

chuckle)...in
other words send it to

everyone.
We all need to smile every

once in
a while.

 

 





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