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Note: forwarded message attached.
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--- Begin Message ---> George Carlin Strikes Again > Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those > little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: > NAIVE > > Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a > peeing section in a swimming pool? > > OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and > the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that > make the Tennessee Titans ? > > If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that > one enjoys it? > > 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. > 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian > faith. > 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters > > > 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several > times, does he become disoriented? > > 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland > called Holes? > > 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? > > 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? > > 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? > > 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? > > 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put > your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? > > 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? > > 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just > stale bread to begin with? > > 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? > > 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a > person who drives a race car not called a racist? > > 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? > > 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? > > 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? > > 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English > language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? > > 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it > follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys > deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners > depressed? > > 17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? > > 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? > > 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald > men? > > 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a > whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . > they're cramming for their final exam. > > 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny > little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers > use? Toothpicks? > > 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? > What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just > put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look > for them while they deliver the mail? > > 23.If it's true that we are here to help others,then what exactly are the > others here for? > > 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. > > 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. > > 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? > > 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went > nuts. > > 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? > > 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? >--- End Message ---
