--
-Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana. Stranger things have -
-happened but none stranger than this. Does your driver's license say Organ
-Donor?Black holes are where God divided by zero. Listen to me! We are all-
-individuals! What if this weren't a hypothetical question? [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2001 11:25:40 -0400
From: Tony Wheeler <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
I've always conidered the term "uncommon sense" to be more appropriate
;^).
tw
THE OBITUARY OF COMMON SENSE
Today, we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of "Common
Sense".
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of
the millennium.
No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service
in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get
jobs done without fanfare or foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power
over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as
to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm and
life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial
policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting
strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technology revolution, Common Sense survived cultural trends including
body piercing, whole language, "new math", and don't ask don't tell. But
his health declined when he became infected with the
"If-It-Only-Helps-One-Person-It's-Worth-It" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of
federal regulation. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by
lawyers and auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools
implemented policies where a 6-year old boy is charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen is suspended for taking a swig
of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher is fired for reprimanding an
unruly student.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better
treatment than victims, and federal judges invaded everything from Boy
Scouts to professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic, but was kept
informed of developments regarding regulations for asbestos, low flow
toilets, "smart" guns, and mandatory air bags and he was in disbelief when
told that the homeowners associations restricted exterior furniture only
to that which enhanced property values. It was the aftermath of the 2000
Presidential election that caused him to breathe his last breath.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son Reason. Not
many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
[ To unsubscribe, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with body
"unsubscribe man-bytes-dog" (the subject is ignored).]
