Keeping with today's topic...sorry to the 95% of you who this means
absolutely nothing to! :)
(I didn't write this one either, apologies if I got this off the MI list
a couple of years ago and forgot!)
35 SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE TOO CANADIAN FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
=========================================================
(This will undoubtedly mystify most Americans, a good thing -- as it
means we
have not yet
been completely absorbed by our neighbours to the south.)
1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including
the
inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
3. You think God probably looks more like Gordon Pinsent than Charlton
Heston.
4. You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a
blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of
two: an
orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a
pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives
in a
bag on the wall (HAHAHAHA)
5. You can easily get several people near you to wax nostalgic on this
same
image (#4).
6. This doesn't bother you at all (#5).
7. You know who Ernie Coombs is.
8. You can still whistle the theme to "The Forest Rangers"
9. Whenever you hear the word "car", you have to stop yourself from
involuntarily reaching back for a hockey net.
10. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
11. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments,
including
your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna
read a
word... (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?)", and "Kanata".
12. You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the
"Hinterland
Who's Who" spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic
ptarmigan in winter.
13. You participate in "Participaction". At least, until you fall down
laughing when you think of how your hair is getting "sweat-EE and
out-of-CONtrol".
14. You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy
Mesley
will ever find again the blissful love they once knew.
15. And if not, is she free next Friday?
16. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale,
"What's good
enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
17. You really miss the ongoing saga of Jacques and William. Did they
ever
escape those soldiers? And what about the girls? Strangely, just
thinking
about it makes me thirsty...
18. You wonder if you're the only one who would like to see Ralph
Benmergui
and Ian Hanomansing team up and become the new Wayne and Shuster.
19. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can
really use
more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your butt
and the
hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs from
carrying your pocket money around). The new coin should have a picture
of a
musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen
different
kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
20. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
21. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
22. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you
don't
possess a Canadian passport.
23. You spend hours in the dark, making scale models of the Avro Arrow
and
cursing the Diefenbaker government.
24. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's
Advocates
made fun of you.
25. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the
missing
'u's from labor, honor, and color.
26. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar
added",
thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
27. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions
Canada. You
make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
28. You have more than 3 friends named Gordon.
29. You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why you keep
seeing
her reading news on the CBC.
30. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's,
"Skin-a-ma-rinky
-dinky-doo" opus.
31. You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny.
32. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling
nauseous.
33. You wonder idly if there is some government coverup of a covert
operation
behind shifting the shooting location of "X Files" from British Columbia
to
California, but you're far too apathetic to do anything about it anyway,
though it was nice seeing some of the old "Beachcombers" cast getting
some TV
work now and then.
34. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
35. You read rather than scanned this list.
If anyone can tell me why #31 is funny I'd like to know...
Ron
Ron Halliday, Cartographer
Portolan Geomatics
1-2119 34th Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta, CANADA!!!
T2T 2C5
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