Hi, On Tue, Nov 16, 2010 at 12:41 PM, Frederic Muller <fr...@gnome.org> wrote: > Sorry for the late feedback. I do have a few comments: > > 1. The green background is quite blurry giving a potential sub-par > impression on the display quality of the GNOME desktop. Maybe a plain color > or gradient background would fix this.
I agree. I've replaced the screenshot in the new version. > 2. Remaining typo in mobile phones section, 2nd sentence: "you get get > the..." Thanks, it's fixed. > 3. Accessibility: I would try to rephrase the paragraph without the word > 'disabilities' and emphasizing on 'unconditional access' or 'access for > everyone'. I am not a native speaker, but if needed, can give it a try. I agree. I've re-worded it to this: The GNOME desktop includes applications that allow everybody to use a computer regardless of physical or mental ability. From a screen reader for people with visual impairment to specialized applications for people who can't use regular mice and keyboards. > 4. No Serial Numbers: having lived in the developing world for the past 15 > years, serial numbers are never an issue: they actually come on the CD with > the pirated copy of whatever proprietary software you decide to use. Maybe > replacing that section with all the productivity, graphic/artistic, > fun/games, and web applications available for GNOME might make the space > usage more compelling. Then again it might depend on the audience but from > my experience I've never met any developing world government who was > concerned about internal piracy (ymmv). Yeah, I have seen serial numbers on the CDs when doing ICT support work rural Uganda. But they don't always work and when that happens it a pain to track a new one down. I'm also trying to say some about the annoying 'please validate your OS' messages that keep popping up if you don't have a legitimate version of windows. As a side note, perhaps you'd be interested in joining us on the GNOME developing world list: http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/developing-world-list I'm sure you would have comments to add to our discussions. > 5. Joining GNOME: I would probably add something more dynamic like > mentioning that it's fun, you make lots of friends and Yeah, I agree fun and friends are good things. I tweaked the wording a bit in this section. > you get to learn of a lot of (new) stuff which could get you a job. I made this brochure for some outreach marketing activities in sub-Saharan Africa. I don't think it's realistic to say that learning how to use or program GNOME might lead to employment. At least not in this region and not at this time. > 6. joining GNOME user groups: unfortunately there are a lot more LUGs than > GNOME user group and only recommending to visit GUG limits the possibilities > for our target audience. I'd mention any Free Software group such a *nix UG, > Free Software groups and others (including GUGs) as they will encounter the > GNOME experience in any of those. This is good suggestion but right now I want this brochure to be about GNOME. > 7. You might mention somewhere in the bottom "made with GNOME"? I made the brochure with Inkscape but I don't think it's part of GNOME. The first page says that I'm using GNOME icons and graphics from openclipart.org. > 8. It'd be nice to have a native speaker reduce word repetitions and help > produce a better phrased document. > > (9.) As a side note I don't think Linux is the best platform for multimedia > playback or encoding (not something I'd put forward anyway) but I suppose we > can allow ourselves to embellish the reality... I don't agree with this point. Every platform has pluses and minuses but I think GNOME has pretty good multimedia support. Ok, now for the updated files: PDFs: http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-brochure-with-fold-marks-v5.pdf http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-brochure-v5.pdf Inkscape 0.48 SVGs: http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-flyer-p1-with-fold-marks.svg http://www.bagu.org/gnome/gnome-dev-world-flyer-p2-with-fold-marks.svg Thanks for your extensive review. Cheers, Ben -- marketing-list mailing list marketing-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/marketing-list
