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Forwarded by Corrie Bergeron.
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Obituary for Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the
brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
Common Sense selflessly devoted his life to service in schools,
hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done
without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no
power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued
lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird
gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (adults are in
charge, not kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and
educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole
language and "new math. "
But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-
only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his
waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing
federal regulation.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking
lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated
when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports
of six year old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after
lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It
declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to
administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the
female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as Lifetime Values became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better
treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in
everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was
kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for
asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of
Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.
Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior
furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed
his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and
Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
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--
Jerry P.Becker
Department of Curriculum & Instruction
Southern Illinois University
Carbondale, IL 62901-4610 USA
Phone: (618) 453-4241 [O]
(618) 457-8903 [H]
Fax: (618) 453-4244
E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
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