> Subject: Spring Pond Beavers > > > This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan > DeVries by the > Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State > of Michigan. > This guy's response is hilarious, but read the > State's letter before you > get to the response letter. > > SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. > 20; > Montcalm County > Dear Mr. DeVries: > > It has come to the attention of the Department of > Environmental > Quality that there has been recent unauthorized > activity on the > above referenced parcel of property. You have been > certified as the > legal landowner and/or contractor who did the > following unauthorized > activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood > debris dams > across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit > must be issued > prior to the start of this type of activity. A > review of the Department's > files shows that no permits have been issued. > Therefore, the > Department has determined that this activity is in > violation of Part > 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural > Resource and > Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public > Acts of 1994, > being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the > Michigan Compiled > Laws, annotated. > > The Department has been informed that one or both of > the dams > partially failed during a recent rain event, causing > debris and > flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams > of this nature > are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. > The Department > therefore orders you to cease and desist all > activities at this location, > and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition > by removing all wood > and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. > All restoration > work shall be completed no later than January 31, > 2003. > > Please notify this office when the restoration has > been completed so > that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by > our staff. > Failure to comply with this request or any further > unauthorized activity > on the site may result in this case being referred > for elevated > enforcement action. > > We anticipate and would appreciate your full > cooperation in this > matter. Please feel free to contact me at this > office if you have any > questions. > > Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative > Land and Water Management Division > > > ** This is the actual response sent back: ** > Dear Mr. Price, > Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; > R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. > > Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed > to me to > respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the > Contractor at 2088 Dagget, > Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the > (State unauthorized) > process of constructing and maintaining two wood > "debris" dams across the > outlet stream of my Spring Pond. > While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise > their dam > project, I think they would be highly offended that > you call their skillful > use of natures building materials "debris." I would > like to challenge your > department to attempt to emulate their dam project > any time and/or any place > you choose. > > I believe I can safely state there is no way you > could ever match > their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their > dam ingenuity, their dam > persistence, their dam determination and/or their > dam work ethic. > > As to your request, I do not think the beavers are > aware that they must > first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of > this type of dam activity. > > My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying > to discriminate against > my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all > beavers throughout this > State to conform to said dam request? If you are > not discriminating against > these particular beavers, through the Freedom of > Information Act, I request > completed copies of all those other applicable > beaver dam permits that have > been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is > a dam violation of Part > 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural > Resource and Environmental > Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, > being sections 324.30101 > to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, > annotated. > > I have several concerns. My first concern is-aren't > the beavers > entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond > Beavers are > financially destitute and are unable to pay for said > representation-so the > State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. > The Department's dam > concern that either one or both of the dams failed > during a recent rain > event causing flooding is proof that this is a > natural occurrence, which > the Department is required to protect. In other > words, we should leave the > Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them > and calling their dam > names. > > If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow > condition please > contact the beavers-but if you are going to arrest > them, they obviously did > not pay any attention to your dam letter-they being > unable to read English. > > In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a > right to build their > unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the > grass is green and water > flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I > do to live and enjoy > Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources > and Environmental > Protection lives up to its name, it should protect > the natural resources > (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). > > So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this > dam case can be referred > for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why > wait until 1/31/2003? > The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice > then and there will be no > way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them > then. > > In conclusion, I would like to bring to your > attention to a real > environmental quality (health) problem inthe area. > It is the bears! > Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I > definitely believe you should > be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the > beavers alone. If you are > going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your > step! > (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being > unable to comply with > your dam request, and being unable to contact you on > your dam answering > machine, I am sending this response to your dam > office. > > THANK YOU > RYAN DEVRIES + THE DAM BEAVERS >
Luther KB5QHU Alma, Ark '83 300SD (happily running diesel/WVO mix) '82 300CD slate grey, black interior, 152,xxx mi
