A*N ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD*
*To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night
before last.*
*Date: 2013-11-27, 1:43 am . E.S.T.*
*I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you
demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this rather
important message.*
*First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I
didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when
I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening
was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned
safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat****Marine****in
Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber
Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we
had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon
when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!*
*I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it
was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave
your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That
prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to
come help mug us again).*
*After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as
well as those of four other people in the gas station, --
on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took
153 gallons and was extremely grateful!*
*I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That
made his day!]*
*I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile"
that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's
side of the car.*
*Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls
to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible target.*
*The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long
chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).*
*In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you
... but I feel this type of retribution
is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of
these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope
that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path
you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you
might not be so lucky. Have a good day!*
*Thoughtfully yours, **Semper fi,*
*Alex*
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