[MMouse]: blue balls and all that bullsh*t

[Ryan Morgan]

Do you want to know what makes me mad about alcohol?   Too bad.   People don't know how to use it judiciously.  Some people do, but too many people don't.  I went to a bar tonight with a friend of mine because they have $.10 chicken wings, and his sister works there, so we get free stuff and we know everybody.  Kind of like Cheers.  Anyway, we were sitting there, just munching on chicken wings and downing Mountain Dew when some guy sits down at the table next to us and starts saying "Psssst!!!  Psssst!!!"  So we look over at him, and he asks us if he could use our ash tray.  We gave it to him, but we could tell that he was REALLY drunk.   So our waitress, who was being really nice and productive, gives us refills on our Mountain Dews.  As she was leaving, the drunk guy gets her attention, and starts off the conversation by saying, "Remember last week when I tried to tell you that you need to smile more?!?!  What happened?  Why ain't you smilin'?"  She gave some indecipherable response, but I could tell that she didn't want to talk to him.  And then he's like, "Were you on the rag last week?"   "Ummmm...no..." "Are you on the rag this week?" "Ummmm..." "You married?" "Hell no." "You been knocked up?  Got any kids?" "No." "Whatcha doin' Thursday?" "Hangin' out with my friends." "Got any nights free this week?" "Nope.  I'm busy." "No nights free?  Why you keep shootin' me down?" "I dunno..." "You got a boyfriend?" "Yeah." "You got two boyfriends?" "No..." "Awwww...damn...every girl needs two boyfriends.  Didn't you know that?"   That's when I decided to get her away, so I asked her for our check.  That got her away, but I'm not sure what happened after we left because she still had tables in the area.  I felt sorry for her, too, because she was trying to be fairly polite about it all.  But I was pissed.   And that's why I don't like alcohol.  It makes people do stupid things sometimes.   Drinking in moderation is fine, though, I guess.  But I wouldn't do it.   ~Ryan "on your star wars sheets when you set the scene was she seducing you or did she want to scream? it's you versus you versus you versus you versus you versus you..."