Joerg Anders wrote...
>
> I have the unfortunate duty of informing the MusiXTeX mailing
> list ...
I was shocked!
I had launched the usual download of e-mail in the morning,
One of this..., a few of that, all hidden behind the download progress
window.
Then a quick check of the subjects, nothing (perhaps) too compelling to halt
the rush to work.
Ah... Mail from Mutex, so familair - "[EMAIL PROTECTED]",
and the so very familiar and friendly name "Werner Icking" appearing in
the list.
I quickly checked a few other messages,
uneasy now, having noticed that Werner's name was in the Subject column.
Strange... Finally I could hesitate no longer...
The rush to work didn't matter any more!
Shock soon gave way to sorrow as a flash of realization passed over me.
How much we have lost!
I stared at the German-language Web page, hopelessly trying to find out what
it said,
Looking for clues about this tragedy, hoping that not seeing "Icking" in
the text
might mean that this was about something else, someone else,
maybe just a misunderstanding.
(Werner always had the extra task of translating my English messages,
and none of them written very well, even in English, before he had to
translate them.)
... One of the Web Robots provided a rough translation of the words.
What awful things! The ordering of words on the page, so awkward to my
English ears,
yet so efficient in thought, and wonderfully German, on this day only
heightened
the tragic news, and further tempted me to hope that this might not be
real after all!
I finally recovered a stark sense of 'the immediate' and returned to face my
resonsibilities.
Undoubtedly, Werner had stayed late that night (I pondered) to do something
for someone,
to provide some "hilft" to an anxious inquisitor, making it possible for
someone else
to go a little farther, faster, better, at whatever might have been the
obstacle.
I walked into my West Michigan office, lost in distant thoughts.
Germany seemed to have been right next door.
GMD might have been across the street.
In a way, it really was...
Coworkers met and we started the duties of the day.
I felt strangely confined and very much isolated.
I would catch myself (but stop), wanting to ask one of these,
"Did you hear the awful news about Werner?"
only cut short, reminded that they could not know.
And I wondered, what does it mean when someone I have never met
passes away, and I am so deeply touched... and cannot express it.
I ventured an expression to a few I know well, but the "prelude" necessary
to
situate their minds toward my grevious message left them polite, and
sympathetic,
but no less distant from this great loss. And they were no less honest
for having listened and sympathized, under the circumstances.
Werner sent the first reply to my first message to the Mutex List, back in
1996. And he was right... I needed to find the line with the extra space at
the end. I wonder how many times he has patiently answered that question
for all of us. A few years later I had the real pleasure of working with
him by E-Mail to find something in the c code of musixflx that really caused
him problems. And he made it such a fascinating, international adventure.
His expressions of appreciation were a magical fuel to my creative fires,
and the humor and personality he confided made us virtually acquainted.
Only later did I realize that it was that same "bug" that had caused me to
write to the List the very first time, and so it was that much more
satisfying. However, working with Werner was more than just solving
problems in a bit of c code, or improving one or another of the MusixTex
macros. It was about having a friend and helper in a far away place, but
who lived (for all practical purposes) right in my living room, always ready
for the next problem, and not letting me quit with the problem only half
solved! It HAD to be fixed right, because Werner needed it - it was one way
to give back some of the "hilft."
I am the only one in my household who communciates with the Mailing List.
Yet, my family knows of "Werner Icking." My wife immediately shared the
shock and sorrow at hearing of his death. She knew that he was my "friend,"
and that this was a time to stop, and be truly saddened.
I wondered as I drove home, "What does a mere Internet Mailing List do when
a true patriarch dies? How does one interact in sharing this grieving with
'E-mail People'?"
As this evening's message list was accessed from the server, again hidden
behind the "Download Dialog," yet counting rapidly up and up, I knew this
could only be due to the outpouring of sympathy and condolances that only
real people all across the world could express. And in that respect, our
small "list community" has become most real in mind and heart, if not in
physical proximity! You all, who have made expression, are also 'right
here' in my home.
I had always hoped to meet Werner. I imagined that I might some day be
traveling in Germany, and happen to find GMD, to 'stop by' and warmly greet
this friend. Don said that one should not procrastinate in these things.
Would that I could be in California tomorrow! It is for us who remain to
reflect and benefit as much as possible from these things.
I will miss Werner's wonderful solutions to hard problems, the encouragement
to try harder, and do a better job, to not falter because of the details,
and I will remember the model of patience and kindness that he set for us in
our various activities on the list. He could close with, "hope this hilft"
and I would realize - "Yes! That is it, ... Of course."
I am sure that our loss on the Mutex List is just a small part of the
tremendous loss felt by his wife, family and co-workers at GMD. My heart
goes out to them. I am thankful for having had the opportunity to have
shared a small part of this man's life. Thank you, Joerg, for making this
sad thing known to us.
Joel Hunsberger
P.S.
For those who have never 'seen' Werner Icking, at one time I discovered two
pictures that he provided of himself on the Web...
Then and more recent: http://wsv.gmd.de/persons/icking/
