<~*~><~*~>< Humor-Exprezz
<~*~><~*~>< You are subscribed to Humor-Exprezz because of a request from you or someone impersonating your email address. If you would rather NOT be subscribed, you can send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the email address you subscribed with. FREE subscription to American Baby magazine * Customized to your week of pregnancy or your child's age * FREE customized e-mail newsletter * Exclusive monthly sweepstakes with great prizes for baby and mom *Chats and message boards to ask questions or talk with experts and other moms. Click Here <a href=" http://a.websponsors.com/c/s=29539/c=29497/ "> aol</a> <~*~><~*~> In The News <~*~><~*~> A Romania elderly woman has lodged a complaint against a TV station claiming their horoscopes are unreliable. The woman says the horoscope repeatedly predicted she would receive a big sum of money but it never arrived although she waited for three months. Television officials said they will analyze the complaint. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> WOW!!! $300 Electronics Boutique Gift Card-I-DealRewards Sign up now to join i-DealRewards.com - the club that rewards you! Get a chance for prizes like a free* $300 gift card! <a href=" http://a.websponsors.com/c/s=29539/c=49588/ "> aol</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> "FUNNY FUNNEL" A Hilarious page sent to you every other day. Jokes from Clean to Naughty And always fun. Find out more about it and see a sample by going to the web site: WHY FUNNY FUNNEL? http://funnyfunnel.net/ <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Toons: Insurance <a href=" http://terrisfp.com//t51/insurance.jpg "> aol</a> Jokeworm Pics <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/newcleanpics/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care? Live snake meat is readily available in Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> The Asylum Fantasy Art If you like fantasy- and erotic art then this is THE free ezine for you.. RedBabe is going to take you daily, except for Sundays, to fantasy land.. So if you want to join her on her trip, subscribe, and send a blank email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Links: Attack of the mutant artificial trees http://downloads.kewlbox.com/games_online/realtrees.htm The Psychedelic '60's http://www.lib.virginia.edu/speccol/exhibits/sixties/index.html Ugly Dress.com <a href=" http://www.uglydress.com/index.html "> aol</a> Jokeworm Jokes <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/cleanjokes/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> December is... 1.. Call Your Aunt Gus Day 2.. National Pork Fritters Day 3.. National Hi Neighbor Day 4.. Don't Wear Any Underwear Day 5.. National Play Bingo With An Old Person Day 6.. National Buy Yourself A Christmas Present Day 7.. National Throw Out The Old Halloween Candy Day 8.. Take It In The Ear Day 9.. National Dance Like An Egyptian Day 10.. Eat A Dill Pickle Day 11.. National Chicken Noodle and Crackers Day 12.. Blow Nose Softly Day 13.. Bananas On Pizza Day 14.. Call Up A Mean Neighbor And Hang Up Day 15.. National Don't Yell At Your Kids Day 16.. National Eat Anything Chocolate Covered Day 17.. Ketchup On Your Egg Day 18.. National Rump Roast Day 19.. Oatmeal For Lunch Day 20.. Play A Game of Monopoly Day 21.. Cheese Hamburger Day 22.. National Date A Nut Day 23.. Moo Like A Cow Day 24.. National Egg Nog Day 25.. Christmas! 26.. Wiener And Franks Day 27.. National Fruitcake Day 28.. Card Playing And Cheating Day 29.. Festival For Midgets Day 30.. Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute 31.. Change Your Dog's Name Day <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine". The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens -- the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump. At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third. The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me -- it's this bloody horse. What is he -- deaf or something?" The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf-he's BLIND!" <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Stumpy's Ways To Confuse Santa Claus Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit! Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Humor-Exprezz may contain links to sites on the Internet which are owned and operated by third parties. We are not responsible for the availability of, and/or the content located on or through, any such third-party sites. All Content � By their Creators. Subscribe address.. [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsub address ... 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