we´rgetting older worldi runing faster nothing esle changed Wolfgang > > "smile though your heart is aching" > > i realized i was beginning to die when my foot began hurting two years > ago; i was teaching at brown university, walking across the pembroke > campus, and suddenly was hobbling. second event, when we put our cat > boojum down; she had been my companion for eighteen years, and azure's for > almost ten. and third, when i noticed a flash in my left eye and went to > the opthamologists, knowing something had gone wrong. nothing ends up > reversible but early on, the body pains would have been part of a phenom- > enology of healing, not disablement. now i'm on the slope towards death > and want it like this, suicide when i can't work any longer, when i become > a burden to azure. i live in the fear of death, watching my body drop out > from under me. buddhism doesn't help in the long run and even lyotard had > a fearful cry from the heart towards the very end. the world turns dark > and second life is no cure, just diversion from failing senses, failing > health. i'm preternaturally scared to the point of disability at times and > i wonder why everyone isn't like this, how everyone else manages to get up > in the morning and life seemingly goes on productively. i can't live in > the morning; i live in fear of the curtain falling rapidly and violently, > the curtain falling on nothing, nothing whatsoever. i woke up in tears > again; http://www.alansondheim.org/ flubb pngs and find i can barely work > through these. > > _______________________________________________ > NetBehaviour mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.netbehaviour.org/mailman/listinfo/netbehaviour
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