The man in andropause
Stubbornness [Uli Hannemann]
https://blog.igel-muc.de/?guid=20250920
It has to be enough at some point. Vegetables, feminism, new spelling rules.
Intimate hygiene: please, no more new stuff! All this modernist nonsense is
fucking up my brain and makes the world a worse place, in other words, a more
confusing and shit world for me. I already know everything a man needs to
know: how to pull a spark plug with my teeth, how the chicks tick and how to
fire a bazooka. That's enough.
Uli Hannemann: »Oh No, Boomers«
When Things Suddenly Get Better In The Past
One day, the mature man comes to the conclusion that he no longer needs to
learn anything new, not to mention experience anything new. After all, he has
already experienced everything, and, hand on heart, most of it was
superfluous and not particularly pleasant anyway. Above all, however, new
things are stressful. At some point, enough is enough with the stress. Why
did we go through eight or ten or even thirteen agonising years of school,
plus overtime? It has to be enough at some point. Vegetables, feminism, new
spelling rules. Intimate hygiene: please, no more new stuff! All this
modernist nonsense is fucking up my brain and makes the world a worse place,
in other words, a more confusing and shit world for me. I already know
everything a man needs to know: how to pull a spark plug with my teeth, how
the chicks tick and how to fire a bazooka. That's enough.
Brandt or Strauß, Geha or Pelikan, Beatles or Stones, Rakers or Zervakis, the
most important decisions in life have long been taken, the course is set. Why
form an opinion when I already have one? And it fits every new topic – with a
gentle hammer blow, every piece of any puzzle fits into its place.
My wife often tells me to move. but I already moved once. I also don't need
to move house. I already have a place to live. I don't want to meet new
people either, I already know some. Or rather, I used to know some. When they
started to disagree with me, I unfriended and blocked them. It was all done
the old-fashioned way – we exchanged a few cheeky remarks and then stopped
answering the phone.
People used to say I was inflexible, stubborn and obstinate. I'll take that
as a compliment. After all, the german word for stubborness, »Starrsinn« is
only three letters away from »Starksinn« - strong-mindedness.
»Weak-minded loses keys, strong-minded wins wars«, my clever urologist
Zbigniew recently quoted a Masurian bon mot while gently decalcifying my
urethra with a hot knitting needle.
And he's right: of course I'm always right about everything. This is ensured
by my life experience, which has the great advantage of being well and firmly
conserved and not, as is the case with so many young people, stirred up by
constant input and therefore lastingly clouded. Even ‘discourse’ and ‘
reasoning’ are just synonyms for ‘spinelessness’ and ‘indecisiveness’. Now
this, now that.
The flighty mice could learn a lot from my ironclad principles. With me,
things aren’t one way today and another tomorrow. They’re always the same.
And that is yesterday.
---
German Book:
Oh no, Boomers!
When Things Suddenly Get Better In The Past
The ageing man Uli Hannemann has a tougher going than many people think. His
hormones are going haywire, his wife has left him, and his best friend is now
his urologist. The clown in his menopause no longer has a clear sense of the
world. What does the heterosexual white middle-aged man go for when he's not
ageing unattractively or bluffing his way through sausage stands with
salacious remarks and mansplaining? Is there a little black heart beating
somewhere deep beneath this mountain of rotten flesh, malice and
stubbornness?
Sartyr Verlag | First Edition 2020 | ISBN 978-3-947106-64-6
all the best
david herzog
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