Along-term
live-in relationship ending is like a divorce without you having to
sign any dotted line. The implications can be just as heavy. Yes, it’s
the end of the world at the beginning, but we’re showing you the way to
dawn.
Interior Design
As
clich as it may sound, re-arrange the furniture. It's time for a new
beginning. So get any bric-a-brac that was his separate from what is
yours. Don’t get tacky or cheap. If there is a painting he really likes
(unless it's a Tyeb Mehta), let go. If you want the fridge that he
bought, put it across lightly (this is provided the break up is good).
With very bad breakups, it's best to keep what's yours and let go of
what you'll never see again, including him.
Box it in
Remember
that women are more domestically inclined than men. Men are happy to
pack their checked shirts and denims and leave. But they'll leave
behind their socks, or their bills (you were mothering the loser,
weren’t you?), a whole load of stuff that they may not value. Now when
making that little memory box, remember to curate stuff that really
matters. Plus, time is crucial. You don't want to spend a whole month
doing this. It should be done with the clinical precision of a
mover-and-packer firm. Seal it, and put it up there in the maala.
Remember that it's very very petty to burn or destroy reminders. Five
years down the road you'll be laughing at this phase. And sometimes,
it’s good to go back.
Respect
This is true for anybody. But emotional lot
that we Indians are, try and keep at least an iota of respect for a
relationship you once had. Yes, it's over, and yes, you might have
fallen out badly. But don't cheapen the essence of what once was. There
are common friends involved (more on that later), there is family
involved, there is the many years you spent together, and not all of it
was bad. Meditation (or even a shrink) would help. At the same time,
jumping onto the Prozac bandwagon means more pills are to follow. So
until very distraught, do not push the pill button, yet.
Family
With
his family, keep a distance. Remember that at the end of the day, they
are going to side with their own blood. And while things are cordial,
the weekly lunch with his sister, or the yoga class with his mother
might have to stop. They might want to keep in touch with you for
formality's sake, and so should you. But a rift is inevitable. So go
with the flow: away. It's time to say goodbye.
Friends
With
common friends, it's very different from family. Remember that you are
an individual, and so are the common friends you both shared. Don't
give up on these. If one of his closest friends is choosing to stay in
touch with you, it's because they value you. Don't hurt anybody in the
process. Try and not discuss the relationship (but you know you will).
And over time, it'll become a former issue. You'll perhaps even laugh
about how you were a doormat at a stage, but for this point to come,
you'll have to work beyond.
The Sex Trap
You’ve
broken up. But every now and then, when he wants to unwind his
emotions, he drops in. And then you have sex.. You know what — this is
not something that is going to improve your chances of getting back to
the relationship (even if you think it will). You're
steadily becoming the easy lay he can do with. Don't freak out. Just
remember that men's approach to sex is very different from women. So no
casual sex ever if it's over. It's over with a capital O. Keep it that
way.
No one night stands, when it's convenient for him. It'll
ruin your mental happiness, and your self-esteem. Sex is a closed door.
Find your kinks from elsewhere.
Send out the Message
Hang
out with friends, go out to new parties. Yes, it might seem like a new
teenage, but who has the privilege these days to enjoy Teenage Part II:
an adolescent sequel, especially in your late 20s or 30s?
Use
the breakup to indulge yourself (without becoming an alcoholic, or a
junkie). Host a house party for friends. Don’t make this a habit
though.. Get back to reading, and immediately sign up with a DVD
library near you – it’s Danielle Steele time yet again. Until Tomorrow
Comes…
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