“Your children…come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you…” - Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
One of the biggest challenges of bringing up junior is to do it with a heart big enough to relish his/her path to success.. Viewing your kids’ lives through your eyes is one thing, and making efforts so that they replicate your success is another. Many parents measure their own value by their children's successes and failures. Children not hitting the socially accepted milestones early enough, or not living up to a parent's (often unrealistic) expectations, can put them on the road to failure, rightaway, without any apparent fault of theirs. Here's why you should keep your egoistic expectations aside while nurturing your kids, for you live with who the child is, and not what the child could be. PARENTING PLUS EGO A recent example of a parent never satisfied with her son's accomplishments was the mother of a preteen tennis player we came across. When complimented by another mother about her son’s skills, the tennis player’s mother responded through clenched teeth, “Well, he’s no Roger Federer.” (For those who’re wondering, Federer is one the greatest tennis players of all time.) The mother's response is that of a typical parent desperate to see her child dazzle the world. Her expectations are destructive to herself and to her child. Her comparison robs her of the joy of watching her son play, and because even Aishwarya Rai isn't a good enough actress to hide the kind of disappointment the mother is feeling, this child's self-esteem is at grave risk of damage. TAKING ALL THE CREDIT The other side of the coin is the parent who likes to take all credit for the child's success and creates an entire identity around that child. This parent, like the earlier case, yearns for an exceptional child. Thus the child becomes responsible for the parents' feelings of self-worth. It is important for parents to disentangle their egos from their parenting. If you've followed the above stated Gibran line, children begin their own journey through life as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Attentive parenting is vital to their growth, but children also deserve to own both their disappointments and successes. Taking parenting too emotionally too can make parenting harder. An unwillingness to see the child realistically, the parent misses what skills and behaviours need efforts, and then gets frustrated and confused when the child acts out.. “But my child is gifted, why is he unable to potty train? I must be a bad mother.” HELICOPTER PARENTING "Helicopter Parents" are those who constantly hover over their children, track their movements, get inappropriately involved (with adult children too) and have skewed vision of themselves and their child. To understand this better, read this case: It has become banal for parents to come to defend their children who've been marked lowly or have been reprimanded by a teacher. Their ego is damaged when their child needs correcting, and in response they're angered and end up challenging the professional. The term "helicopter parenting" has been coined to describe these hovering parents. A true but unbelievable example of "helicopter parenting" we heard of was at a big insurance company. The father of a smart, well educated, twenty-five year old woman called her boss to discuss her job performance. Weeks later this same young woman missed a flight to a meeting she was supposed to take with her boss. He understandingly told her that she should go straight to the office and work. Instead she took an 8-hour train ride to the city to try to attend the meeting anyway. When questioned why she did not act as she was instructed, she responded, "My mother told me that I had to go to the meeting." PARENTING MINUS EGO To develop self esteem in your kids, drop your own ego first. Period. They can experience your unconditional love only when you value them for who they are and not what they succeed at. When parents allow their children to be their own people instead of an extension of themselves, children begin to take responsibility for their own decisions. Establishing appropriate boundaries between parent and child helps the child become independent and not feel pressured to excel in the hopes that their parents will feel fulfilled. Group Moderator for [EMAIL PROTECTED] [EMAIL PROTECTED] [EMAIL PROTECTED] Connect your World with Us join Now - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dimpill_gang/join Affiliated group from dimpill_gang for Only Adult Mails - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fantazies/join Affiliated group from dimpill_gang for Only Health and Food Mails - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Health_and_Gourmet/join Get the freedom to save as many mails as you wish. To know how, go to http://help.yahoo.com/l/in/yahoo/mail/yahoomail/tools/tools-08.html
