Ever wondered what's that in-between space, like what’sshared between on-off
couples such as Eminem and his ex-wife, Kate Mossand Pete Dorothy? While they
are hardly examples of conjugal success,they can't seem to be able to work out
splitsville to their favoureither. Well, they are still obviously in love, or
else why would exespatch up against all odds!
Sometimes, when day-to-day demandsclutter around us, we lose sight of that
beautiful feeling called lovewhich drew us to our mate in the first place. When
the honeymoon isover and 'real' life kicks into full gear with kids clamouring
forattention and increasingly demanding jobs and rising bills closing intheir
menacing jaws all around us, love takes a backseat in life.
As going out for a movie together or going to check out that newrestaurant in
town, just the two of you, increasingly become a thing ofthe past, life begins
to revolve from one chore to the next, onedeadline to the next. And as little
joys fly out of the window one byone, you wake up one day and sunshine doesn't
register anymore. Thedark grey clouds gradually take their toll on our psyche
(often withoutour own realisation!) and we begin to blame the person closest to
usfor our unhappiness – usually our spouse.
Why rethink?
Thisprecursor to divorce may not be the exact fit to your case, butsnatches of
it are bound to come uncannily close. While it may not bepossible to undo all
the wrong already done to the relationship, it isstill possible to salvage it
without any lasting damage if both peopleinvolved really put their mind to
doing it. The effort would begin toseem worth it if one takes time off to mull
over immeasurableadvantages involved. By deciding to stick together you will
not only besaving your kids a lot of trauma and anguish, but your own selves
aswell; divorce is known to be a serious cause of depression amongpeople..
Moreover, it takes a lot to build a meaningful relationshipwith a person in the
first place and it's quite an effort to start allover again with a completely
new person, especially in the later partof your life. So, in case you are
willing to give it a second thought,here's a little help:
Seek a counsellor
Seekinghelp from a marriage counsellor might sound a clich but sometimes
theymay help break down barriers in communication, which often create bumpsin a
relationship in the first place. Breakdown of communication ormiscommunication
is a bigger problem in any failed relationship than weseem to realise.
Prejudices that crop up over time cloud ourobjectivity and here a third person
can help a great deal. A couple onthe verge of a divorce usually reflects very
poor levels ofinter-personal communication and very often they are relegated
toquarrels and verbal abuse. A counsellor can help a couple see throughthe
prejudices and sort out the mess in several sessions.
Get intimate
Oftena couple filing for a divorce have gone through a long fallow period asfar
as intimacy is concerned. Sex is an integral part of a marriage anda poor love
life creates havoc with the relationship in the long run.Take time off to
introspect when and how the spark died down in thefirst place. When was it that
either of you started taking the otherfor granted? While physical attraction is
a given in the initial phaseof a relationship, as time goes on, it requires a
little creativethinking to keep the flame burning. Sexual complacence is the
worstmistake a couple can commit. However, it's never too late to rekindlethat
fire. Start looking at your partner with fresh eyes, play thosesilly games
again, think kinky and you can begin to have fun all overagain!
Separation period
It's not without reasonthat there is a six-month separation period involved
before the actualdivorce. Sometimes putting a little distance between each
other canhelp you get a better perspective into the relationship. If you sense
a'miss you' feeling in the separation period, it's a clear sign thatlove has
survived against all odds and that it's not too late to mendmatters!
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