Is your hubby ready to play daddy?
Soyou've found the man of your dreams, and can't wait to settle down
andstart making babies. But how do you know if he's good dad material? Hemay
say he wants kids, but when one comes along, will he leave youholding the
baby... and changing the nappies and sterilising bottles?To answerthese
questions, just take our quiz.
1.You want him to come to a work or family event for moral support butit's his
regular night out with the boys. What's his response?
A Of course he'll come. He knows you wouldn't ask unless you needed him
B He'll come, but only after you've begged and pleaded – and you owe him!
C Sorry, darling, but such outings are sacred.
Why it’s important
Howcommitted he is to your relationship has a direct bearing on whether ornot
he is ready to start a family. If you think a baby will bring youcloser
together, you may be in for a shock. Clinical psychologistClaire Halsey says:
"A baby plunges you into a 24/7 job that neither ofyou has any experience of,
your lifestyleis turned upside-down and you will probably be
long-termsleep-deprived. All this puts a strain on the most
rock-solidrelationships, so if yours is wobbly already, it's bad news."
There'snothing wrong with him having a night out with the boys, but if he
putsthem above everything else, including you, he may not be ready for
theresponsibility of being a dad – or even be that committed to
yourrelationship.
Deal with it
Considerwhether you're both happy with each other, whether you both
wantchildren and when.. Are there things either of you would like to dofirst,
for instance?
2. What are his views on having children?
A It's a huge responsibility
B He can't wait – he loves playing with friends' kids
C It doesn't have to change everything.
Why it's important
Evenif your man's a hit with otherpeople's kids, that doesn't mean he's ready
to have his own. "Yourpartner may feel relaxed in kids' company simply because
he has youngnieces and nephews," says Claire Halsey.
"What'smore important is whether he's prepared to adapt his lifestyle. Is
heinterested in the nitty-gritty of childcare, from doing up the baby'sroom to
choosing baby equipment?"
Deal with it
Askhow a baby will change your lives. Long-term, think about yourlifestyle,
finances and careers. On a day-to-day level, how will youshare baby chores like
changing nappies?
3. How often does he clean the loo?
A He always does his fair share of chores
B Now and again, when you ask
C He thinks it cleans itself.
Why it's important
Babiescan be cute but they're also mucky. Expect to change around 5,000nappies
per child - then there'sall that baby vomit, dribbling and messy eating. If
your man isreluctant to do the less pleasant jobs around the house, it
couldindicate that he won't be first in the queue for the messier baby ones.
Deal with it
Don'tfeel that you should be doing all the housework just because you're
athome. A new baby can take up a whole day - see it as a jointresponsibility.
Rather than moaning, "You never help", tell him: "We'renot keeping the house as
clean as it should be. How can we sort it?"
4. He hasn't a clue how to do something. When it comes to advice, does he..
A Ask for help
B Wait for advice to be offered
C Refuse to ask for advice on principle and ignore it if it's given.
Why it's important
Asnew parents you'll both need to develop new skills pronto, and as withany new
job you'llneed advice now and again. According to experts, this can be an
addedchallenge for men. Problems come when someone is reluctant to trysomething
for fear of getting it wrong, but won't ask for advice
Deal with it
Lethim know it's trial and error for you, too. Discuss different ways ofdoing
things, such as feeding, changing a nappy or bathing the baby.But beware of
being bombarded with advice from well-wishers.
5. How does he react if things don't go according to plan?
A He takes it in his stride
B He'll grumble but work round the problem
C He's furious when something mucks up his carefully crafted plans.
Why it's important
Flexibilityis key with a new baby. Babies have a habit of throwing up or
fillingtheir nappies at unexpected moments, and going anywhere becomes
amilitary exercise. Plus, most newparents find that the reality is different
from their expectations.
Deal with it
Beforethe birth, discuss the possibility of flexible working hours – not
justfor your benefit but for your partner's, too. Claire Halsey suggests:"Maybe
your partner can go in earlier so he can leave earlier and gethome for baby's
bathtime."
Also, you should both discuss whatyou'll do when your child is ill. Will you
take it in turns to taketime off work, or does one of you have a much more
flexible job thanthe other?
SCORING
A . He wants kids now!
Congratulations.It looks like your husband will be a 21st century hands-on
father. Andif you've both agreed that the time is right, what are you
waitingfor...?
B. He's on the
fence
Whileyour man wants to have kids, he might try to shirk the practicaltasks.
You both should discuss and plan all the different aspects ofchildcare as much
as possible before the birth.
C. He's not ready.. yet
Yourhubby may like kids but is he sure to start a family? Before you takethe
plunge, make sure you know what you're in for. Hang out with otherpeople with
kids as much as possible. Also, think carefully about yourrelationship and
lifestyle, and how a baby would fit in.
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