History
Thebags under my eyes had been carrying my weight for quite some time.
Mybeautiful complexion not beautiful anymore and the black liner aroundmy brown
eyes further enhanced the circles circling around them. Ilooked like I had
taken the 'emo' pill in extra strength. (Note toself: Damn it; I thought I had
left behind the glory days of Morrisseydecades ago). (Note to members: if you
don't know Morrissey, youobviously are deprived and still getting excited about
Roger Waters. I'm so sorry!)
Back to History
Youngboys with black dyed hair and fringes to die for lined up outside mysalon.
Black T-shirts black skinny jeans black converse black blackblack…did I say
black! I dunno about you but I found myself gettingquite emotional.
History repeats itself
Ihad just moved into my new pad and excused the lack of sleep to stresscaused
from the ever so popular 'emotional turmoil.' Alcohol seemed theonly thing that
worked, sometimes. It came in my dream one day, a dreamof extreme distortion
that made me smile peacefully. A dream with aman talking through a box we call
television. A dream that made mesleep for 14 hours. Ah ha!
Diagnosis
I diagnosed myself with the "lack of television" syndrome.
Cure
Ifound myself visiting random people, people I had not met for years,people who
talked a lot, boring people, the 'dahlin that's so fab'people, people. People
with televisions. I fell asleep through theirbabble, blissfully.
The dilemma
Nowmost sensible people would say, "Just buy a telly lady and get on withyour
life." True. Except that I had these stupid moral codes. One ofthem being,
"Thou shall never buy a television." I hadn't bought onein 37 years and wasn't
gonna compromise now.
Cure
I spread the word quite loudly to all the people, and believe me, I can be
pretty loud. "You buy me TV, I love you long time."
Theemo boys couldn't afford their black eye liner let alone a television. The
good friends thought I was kidding. The 'oh so fab' people withall the money
would rather buy fake Ed Hardy t-shirts and pretend to bepunk rock. WHAT!
Salman wearing Ed Hardy is like me wearing high-waisted -tight -crotch -hugging
jeans and dancing around trees withmyself.
Damn it, the disease had been diagnosed, the cure wassimple, but these freaking
morals stood in the way. If only I was thatdedicated to a relationship.
Yesterday morning
SoI got back from Thailand with a fantastic burn and the yummiest bellyin the
business. The dark circles replaced with a glow. The habit ofnot wearing
clothes still clung on to me like a wet sari. I put on mybeach best and got to
work.
Yesterday afternoon
"Sapna,there's this guy here from Samsung saying something about atelevision,"
said Nazia in her most puzzled voice. "Huh! What TV?"
"Madam mein aapka teewee install karne aaya hu?" said the lad.
I shooed him out of the salon thinking he was another one of those star starved
sideys using any excuse to enter the salon.
Yesterday Evening
"Sapna, there's this guy here from Samsung saying something about a
television," said Nazia in her completely puzzled voice.
"Huh..Again?"
"Madam,mein aapki teewee lekar aaya hu," said he lugging a box bigger thanme.
This was the mother of all TV's. A 40-inch wide LCD TV.
"Yeh mera nahi hai yaar."
"Madame yeh aapka hi hai, nahi chaiye tho kisi aaur ko de dho," said he showing
me the bill.
The name was mine. The address was mine.
Huh!
Five minutes of staring later
"Sapna there's a number on the bill, should I call it from the land line?" said
Nazia. That's Nazia in one word, Smart!
She did and handed me the phone.
"I love you," said he.
"What!" "No, I cannot accept this," said I having already sent the TV to my
house.
"I love you," said he on repeat.
I blushed.
"I know a man is measured in inches, but 40 is a bit too big don't you think?"
Famous last words
He was just a friend. Really he was.
Last night
TheTV, still in the box, lay at the foot of my bed. It was massive. Istared at
it for 4-3-2 seconds and passed out like a baby. Blissfuldreams of me
snorkeling through planet earth from outer space staringinto people's houses
watching TV had me on cloud nine for hours.
This morning
Iwoke up staring at the box with the words "Imagine the possibilities"jumping
out at me.. This was just the beginning of a fantasticrelationship. My morals
were intact and my bags checked in.
PS."I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work." ~AuthorUnknown
Imagining the possibilities
"You buy me house in Goa, I wipe your bum with wet wipes. Everyday!"
Sapna Bhavnani runs a salon, Mad -O-Wot, at Bandra
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