Rani
Mukherjee in a still from Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna where she faced lack of
love and self-esteem issues in her troubled marriage
I said something I shouldn't have, didn't I? What will they thinkof me, they
probably don't like me, do they? Why do I always mess upeach and every task
assigned to me? If you constantly find yourselfasking questions along similar
lines, then you're probably sufferingfrom low self-esteem.
We picked some of the most commonsituations that those with low self-esteem
regularly face to help yourecognise if you are facing this problem. The good
part is - now thatyou know where you stand, you can work towards a solution.
Read on asthe experts help you out.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteemrefers to how much a person likes, accepts and respects himself
overallas a person. Though it sounds easy to achieve, for many it could be
avery difficult task which calls for a conscious effort.
Does you child often come home grumbling and complaining that the other kids
don't like him?
Asthe old saying goes, 'Kids can be cruel', therefore, it could be thatyour
child is being treated unfairly. Yet, largely, this is an oftheard complaint
from children who suffer from low self-esteem.Explains, Dr Kersi Chavda,
consultant psychiatrist, (specialises inchildren's and women's issues), P.D.
Hindua Hospital, "By and largeself-esteem issues begin in childhood and the
reasons for this could bemany ranging from parents who themselves suffer from
low self-esteemdown to being brought up in an environment where the child
iscontinuously made to feel he/she is no good."
Often parents may not even realise that their child has low self-esteem.
Therefore, Dr. Chavda points out some common warning signs to look out for:
• Being pessimistic
• Being super-sensitive
• Not attempting new activities
• Always trying very hard to please others. For example, buying other kids off
with candies, chocolates and gifts.
Solution:
Tocounter this issue, it is very necessary that the parents first acceptthat
the child has a problem. Then, they must try to create anenvironment where the
child is given positive re-enforcements. Andcounselling too may be recommended
in some cases.
Is your teenager constantly looking in the mirror and is always unhappy with
what he/she sees?
Whileit's absolutely normal to groom yourself, if one constantly stares attheir
image in the mirror, then it could be a sign of low-self esteem.And this
situation arises largely in the college years when a lot ofundue emphasis seems
to be placed on one's looks. Also, due to the manyglossies splashed with
pictures of airbrushed models, the desire tolook 'perfect' is strongly felt by
teens.
Explains Sonali Gupta,clinical psychologsist at Disha polyclinic and college
counsellor atthe Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS), “I have come
acrossseveral teenagers with self-esteem issues, some of who put
themselvesthrough rigorous and often dangerous diet and exercises routines
inorder to achieve a body like their favourite star.”
Gupta points to some of the warning signs to watch out:
• Withdrawal, largely from one's peers
• Depression
• Irritability and anger
• Excessive crying
• In extreme cases the person affected may refuse to attend college altogether
and may even express suicidal tendencies.
Solution:
Ifyou're a parent dealing with this situation then you can verbally
andnon-verbally express to your child that he/she is loved irrespective
ofphysical appearances. Try and focus on and remind your teen of
his/herstrengths and shower him/her with positive re-enforcements. Once
again,in extreme cases counselling may be required.
Are you in a marriage/relationship with someone who constantly needs to be
re-assured of your love?
Whilesaying those three little words is part and parcel of any
marriage,sometimes one partner may require constant reminders of love. As
VarkhaChulani, clinical psychologist at Lilavati Hospital explains, “I havemany
female patients who come to me faced with low self-worth. Such awoman often has
a tendency to disparage herself. Therefore she believesthat her partner is
'better' than her and that she is just plain luckyto have landed such a
husband.”
It has been observed that mostpeople who suffer from low self esteem have
parents who were similarlyafflicted. The trauma simply passes on and it becomes
as essential asthe cycle of life.
Varkha Chulani points to some of the signs of low self-esteem in a marriage:
• Being clingy and possessive
• Being overly jealous
• Expecting constant praise and re-assurance
• Being unduly suspicious
• Behaving like a martyr and going out of your way to please you partner.
Solution:
Chulaniadvices that to help your partner, you 'stop giving in to her/his
everydemand' and thereby help instil self-reliance. If this issue hascreated a
crisis in your relationship, such that you find yourselfconstantly arguing,
then counselling is recommended.
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