Jared,
This should not offend anyone, but:
CAUTION: Fasten seat belt before reading. I would want you hurting yourself
when you fall out!!
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> >Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global
> >Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater
> >repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
> >Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it
> >to Laughline and won the contest (he wasn't thrilled
> >with her for that one).
> >Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day at
> >the office, remember this guy.
> >
> >
> >Hi Sue,
> >
> >Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.
> >Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've
> >been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
> >share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not
> >so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened
> >to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities
> >of my job.
> >This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a
> >wetsuit. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a
> >diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
> >piece of junk sucks the water out of the sea. It heats
> >it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the
> >diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air
> >hose.
> >Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used
> >it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I
> >get to the bottom and start working, is I take the
> >hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This
> >floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like
> >working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a
> >sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I
> >scratched it. This only made things worse. Within
> >a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the
> >hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In
> >agony I realized what had happened. The hot water
> >machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into
> >my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you
> >once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my
> >back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the
> >jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My butt crack
> >was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought
> >was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish
> >into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma
> >over the communicator. His instructions were unclear
> >due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers,
> >were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted
> >the dive. It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to
> >the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to
> >the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My
> >suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on
> >board the medic, with tears of laughter running down
> >his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
> >shove it "up my butt" when I get in the chamber. The
> >cream put the fire out, but I couldn't defecate for two
> >days because my backside was swollen shut.
> >
> >Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the
> >office, think of me. Think about how much worse your
> >day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your
> >butt. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if
> >you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.
> >Love your brother,
> >Brian
> >
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