I support a CoC at origami events. It would be helpful if in moving forward instead of off-topic examples being used to discuss the need for a CoC that examples of actual harassment that are already publicly stated by at least one person that include assault, unwelcomed touching, conversations that include inappropriate sexual references, and sexualized photos being taken of them doing something as innocent as folding large models at a convention are the standard to which points should be made. Versus other less innocuous incidences.
It would also be helpful if instead of lumping in together credible complaints vs those deemed not-harassment they be referred to individually as such. When I read “if” harassment occurred it leaves a lot of room for assumptions that complaints will not be taken seriously or given full consideration. The word “if” vs “when harassment has occurred” and “when it’s been determined harassment did not occur” could go a long way in lessening misunderstandings in these discussions. There seems to be an over riding concern that to have a CoC, that is designed to benefit everyone in the community, will cause the floodgates of hysterical and unreasonable complaints to swing wide open. I could be wrong but I don’t believe that will be the case. Reporting incidences is fraught with the potential to drastically increase the amount of stress a person is already enduring because of lack of support and empathy. This is why it is so well established why people of both genders generally don’t rush to report harassment or assault incidences. Victims are often harassed even more for reporting or are ostracized for appearing to cause a rift within a community that many would prefer not to have to be aware of. My hope is there is room for discussion in that most incidences will not meet the criminal threshold where police become involved. I suspect, based on my own life experiences, that most complaints will be due to a lack of awareness that some behaviors make people uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean they’re ok. And it doesn’t mean they should be ignored. And it doesn’t mean that I think this happens only to women. But I am a women so to speak from my own experiences it is the only perspective I can offer. For instance, at the one origami convention I attended there was a moment when a friendly gesture lasted a little too long and forcefully leaving me to feel uncomfortable. Did I complain? No. Why? Because I gave the person the benefit of the doubt that they didn’t realize their gesture was discomforting to me. If it happens again the next time I see them I will say something to them privately and directly and explain why they made me uncomfortable and ask them to not do it again. If they choose to do it again and a protocol is in place I might report a third incident. Or I might not attend events if I know the person would be there. To be clear: It’s the hand shake or hug that lasts too long, or even hands around my waist at all but especially for too long as someone moves past me, a hand sliding down the length of my back to my waist, or even an arm around my shoulder can feel anywhere from unwelcome to threatening given the circumstance and the person the hand is attached to. Over the years all have happened to me many times over. There have been many times (not at the origami convention I attended) that men, friends included, make a comment they believe is a compliment but it lands as feeling icky. Like “You have a beautiful smile” is less so that than “You have a beautiful figure.” If that difference is too subtle to recognize then you could be someone who is inadvertently toeing the line of causing women to feel unease around you. I’m not saying people can’t or shouldn’t compliment each other. Just don’t be surprised if, when your compliments carry a sexual undertone, you later find out that some people seek to avoid you or find it uncomfortable to be around you. Jokes are the same way. You really need to know your audience particularly when directing a sexual joke at or about the person you’re speaking to. You should feel confident that they will receive it in the spirit in which it was delivered or don’t go there. This was my experience in well over 100 special event industry events I attended when I lived on the West Coast. Where there was no CoC because they weren’t in common use back then. So perhaps less focus should be placed on only the “if” someone is harassed and more should be directed towards “when” harassment has occurred and “has not occurred” in conjunction with some sort of sensitivity awareness guidelines so that potential incidences of harassment are avoided altogether. I offer these examples to hopefully move the conversation away from discussing behaviors that aren’t relevant to the need for the subject at hand. Stacie Tamaki
