Friends, This end-of-the-year query is directed especially to those who have some familiarity with Compassionate Communication/Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and I'd love to hear from all of you!
I'm wondering what is the difference for you between a request and an invitation, especially in the context of cultivating inspired leadership? A little bit of context- The NVC model - as best as I currently understand it- teaches making an action step, making a "request" of oneself or another- following connecting with one (or another person's) feelings and needs (what the other person values). The model teaches that this connection can take place either verbally or nonverbally. Sometimes that action step is a request to connect, to hear more about where the other person is coming from. Sometimes that's a request for action on the part of the other person. What I've noticed is that when I read requests made of me- for example when I read materials from an official NVC website about what is "requested" of others before attending a workshop-- that my energy level goes way down. I don't feel very connected and I don't feel very motivated. Also, I've heard it said privately by another longtime passionate OST facilitator who is on the OSlist, that the "personal leadership piece is missing in OST." So, perhaps there *is* a place for requests??? I've heard a tentative hypothesis by one friend of NVC (who is an OST-friend and on our list) that an invitation comes from a higher level of consciousness (than requests). An invitation seems to inspire, to operate from freedom. That makes me wonder is the practice of making a request, including a "connecting request" (expressing a desire to understand) comes from the Green Meme in Spiral Dynamics, while invitation is more of a Yellow meme practice? (I'm not sure framing this question this way is helpful, but just putting this out there to just stir the pot more). All of this is relevant for me as I co-host a biweekly NVC practice space (2 hour gathering) and a bimonthly daylong NVC practice gathering. The former is held in a Whole Person Process Facilitation container, using OST principles (this means we don't call it "pure" OST-- rather there is an opportunity to self-connect and get to know each other a little bit and then we create the agenda and get to work, then reconvene in large circle; we're a group of 7-15 each time). The latter is almost pure OST-- we start with a short meditation for self-connection and then it's pure OST from there. An ongoing concern is how to support "integrity and competence" in NVC practice. We don't have any requirements (or requests)- yet!- of people who come in terms of skill level or knowledge before coming. And we find that while the space we create is great for community-building, we are unsure about the amount of learning that takes place. People show up - or not- as they see fit. People may have very limited knowledge of NVC practice And thus far, we haven't made requests of those attending, in part because I find when I imagine making requests - whether to take a course or read a book about NVC- that my level of energy goes down. To use a judgement word- it sounds like being controlling. And at the same time, I really wish for a practice space where we work with NVC with some level of integrity and competence. Any thoughts??? Auggestions? Ideas?? Thanks much! happy holidays! warmly, raffi San Diego (which is not sunny, but is having record-breaking rain! San Seattle??) p.s. I'll be x-posting to an NVC e-group as well... * * ========================================================== osl...@listserv.boisestate.edu ------------------------------ To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of osl...@listserv.boisestate.edu: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html To learn about OpenSpaceEmailLists and OSLIST FAQs: http://www.openspaceworld.org/oslist