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Dear Jo -
Your posting struck a few chords with me - I am
passionate about women living their births, making decisions and feeling good
about those decisions. They are the ones who take that birth with them for the
rest of their lives - we don't. At times we might recall a woman whose labour
and birth give us cause to remember her, and most of the time it takes a similar
incident to bring that memory to our consciousness. For the women who live it,
it stays with them forever, as do the comments of those who cared for her, their
demeanour, their touch - even their perfume - everything.
I remember a woman having her third baby at
the hospital I was working at at the time. She said to me - "I remember you -
your eyes and your voice - I have looked into your eyes and listened to
your words during the births of my other two children - I will always
remember you.
I remember asking to keep the remains of a baby who
had died within me and did not want to leave me (or maybe I didn't let her). I
remember asking the nurse who was on specifically not to send the baby to
pathology - that I wanted to take the baby home. She responded with a look of
total disbelief and said "Oh don't be ridiculous! Ther's only scrapings left!" I
have never forgotten that, and although that happened only a few years
ago, for many years before that, I would hear some comments made to women
and ache for them.
Has anyone seen the movie "Malpractice"? It is an
Australian production which came out in 1991 I think - or thereabouts. I
heard the actress (portraying a midwife) and cringed - it could have been
anyone of us speaking to (at) a woman who was labouring. That movie had a
profoud effect on me and changed my practice forever, and this midwife
was caring and concerned, doing her absolute best for this woman, who
was having a difficult time.
Put all of this together and what I am trying to
say I gues is that I agree 100% with what Jo is saying. We need to speak to
women - find out what they feel about their care, record it and use this information to shape our care of women now and
in the future.
I run antenatal, VBAC and refresher classes,
and it's not only women who have had children who are affected by "throw
away" comments. Women who have NEVER had children are affected by comments too -
so affected that they consider having their baby by caesarean - I could go
on and on.......those of you who know me will be sighing by now!!
Suffice it to say, we need to be mindful of our
words and our actions.
Thanks for reading, Lynne
----- Original Message -----
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- have I offended? Dean & Jo Bainbridge
- Re: have I offended? Denise Hynd
- RE: have I offended? Lynne Staff
- RE: have I offended? Clinical Learning Coordinator
- Re: have I offended? TinaPettigrew
