A little light relief ......................
Alesa
Betsy, a
grammar-school teacher from Miami, remembers this
Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her
students...
" I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I
saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years
back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a
few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some
guaranteedentertainment. Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring
in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff
like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations
on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
out-going kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the
class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a
snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to
tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an
umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the
pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera
rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two
Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans."She walked around the house for, like an hour,
"Oh, oh, oh!'" Now the kids'doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding
her back and groaning.
"My father called the middle wife. She
delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They got my mother to lie down in bed like this." Erica
lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My mother
had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and
it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,
like psshhheew!"
The kid has her legs spread and with
her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too
much! "Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breathe,
breathe. They start counting, but they never even got past ten. Then, all
of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they
said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside
there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned
to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then,
if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder - just in case
another Erica comes along.
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