congratulations wonderful work and birthing. Best wishes Terry Stockdale Hobart ----- Original Message ----- From: "jo hunter" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 11:40 PM Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] risks of 4th c/s and support for artificial feeding
> I give HAS' permission to post this story. It is quite long but worth the > read! > Jo > > Caesarean, Caesarean, Caesarean, Natural Birth > By Clare Colman > > I was 24, healthy, a newly admitted lawyer. I booked in to see a private > obstetrician in a large maternity hospital. I read pregnancy books. I > attended the hospital classes. I had complete faith in the system and knew > nothing of the politics of birth. > > The pregnancy went smoothly, until 38 weeks when my obstetrician sent me for > a pelvimetry. I'm now sure it had more to do with my size (a petite 150cm) > and my occupation than any health risk. The results had shown my pelvis to > be "inadequate" and an elective caesar scheduled. I was devastated, but the > compromise was that I could undergo a trial of labour, so long as I came to > hospital at the first sign of labour. I was told, since the baby hadn't > engaged, I could have a cord prolapse and then "we have 8 minutes to get the > baby out before it dies". So at 2am on his due date, I had the show and > rang the hospital! I was there by 4am. Labour hadn't even started but no > one suggested I go home. No sustenance, no sleep, on my feet till 6pm. By > then I was exhausted, starving, discouraged, only 2cm. I didn't even see my > doctor, who was not available that weekend. I agreed to an epidural and the > inevitable caesar. Andrew was born at 2.20am on 10.1.94, weighing 3.195kg. > > The operation itself was not physically painful, but I felt totally detached > from what was going on, as if I was an observer. I think this was a coping > mechanism at the time - I was hooked up to so much equipment - electrodes on > my chest, automatic blood pressure cuff on my arm (which cut off the > circulation every minute or so), electrodes on my thumb, cannula and drip in > my arm, oxygen mask on my face (nifty shower cap too), catheter in my spine, > catheter for my bladder, naked and numb from the chest down, belly swabbed > in brown antiseptic, and a screen between "me" and the surgery. My husband > was sitting beside me, and there was a team of 7 or 8 staff members. > > In recovery my body shook violently for about 15 minutes, which I was told > was a normal reaction to an epidural. I slept for a couple of hours and > woke to the most pain I had ever felt. I had never had any serious injury > or illness in my life before - it was like having been hit by a truck. I > spent that day in bed. I couldn't even roll over from one side to the other > without 2 nurses assisting. Pethidine shots in the thigh every four hours > made me feel dopey and sleepy, and helped detach from the pain, but also > made connection with my new baby extremely difficult. I didn't even think > he was really mine. I just wanted to be left alone to sleep and make the > pain go away. The next day I had to get out of bed, and walk to the other > end of the ward for a shower. I thought I was going to pass out with pain, > and kept apologising to the nurse for being so slow! > > Physically each day got a little easier as I became more mobile and the > intensity of the pain eased, but the thought of having to take a baby home > and care for it made me feel sheer panic. I felt like I had failed the > first test of motherhood in having not been able to give birth, > breastfeeding was not going well, I felt no connection with my baby and I > had lost faith in my body. > > Many of the feelings that flowed from my caesarean were gradual rather than > immediate, but they included a profound sense of loss, inadequacy, failure > and sadness, guilt that I was not more grateful for the health of my child, > and eventually anger at the circumstances which led to the caesar and the > way I was treated afterwards. (I was sent home with an infected wound, > cracked nipples, a thrush infection and no follow-up care. It was 9 weeks > before I was able to see my doctor for a post-natal checkup, because she was > fully booked!) > > The second caesarean 2 years later added a sense of powerlessness in the > face of medical technology and the doctor/patient relationship. I allowed > decisions to be made for me and my baby and things to be done which went > against my instinct and feelings. I had changed doctors (another female > obstetrician) and hospitals and made clear from the start my desire for a > natural delivery. But a long cycle meant my "official" due date was 3 weeks > out, it was Christmastime, and private hospitals pay triple time to theatre > staff. Surgery was scheduled, rather than wait another six days till after > the holidays, strictly for the sake of the baby of course. Stephanie > arrived on 21.12.95, weighing 3.259kg. > > Having a general anaesthetic after a failed epidural (and an encounter with > the worst anaesthetist I have ever met, who yelled at me for "failing to > co-operate" when he couldn't get the needle in my back) also created an > obstacle to bonding with my daughter - it was a long time before I felt she > was even mine, and there was no transition from being pregnant to being a > mother. > > I am sure my caesars contributed to PND during the first year after each > birth. It was also extremely hard for my husband (and others) to understand > why I felt the way I did when we had 2 beautiful, healthy children and I was > physically recovered from the surgery. Working through all these feelings > and their effect on my parenting was a long process. I learnt to accept > responsibility for my own part in what happened, and to take more > responsibility for my future care. > > Older and wiser, I approached the birth of our third child. I read > everything I could find on VBAC, attended excellent classes at Birthing > Rites, enlisted the skills of a private midwife (the one and only Maggie) > with a back-up obstetrician (Brian Peat). I learnt to swim (at 28) so I > could do laps and went to the gym throughout the pregnancy. > > Due date came and went, with contractions every evening that petered out > when I went to bed. Finally I thought it was the real thing, about 8pm > Friday, 41 weeks. I was so psyched up and ready to have this baby. I had > so much to prove, especially to myself. I called Maggie about 11pm and she > came over. It was still very early, and she suggested we all get some > sleep. I dozed between contractions, but I didn't feel rested by morning. > Maggie suggested we go for a walk around the neighbourhood as the sun rose. > Contractions were hard work. I was so disappointed that I hadn't even begun > to dilate yet. Maggie went home to vote (it was Federal election day). I > ate and walked and rested. Thought about voting, but every time I got to > the door I had another contraction and changed my mind about venturing out! > > Maggie returned later in the afternoon. I was beginning to wonder how long > this would go on. I was using hot packs, spent several hours in the bath, > did lots of walking and rocking and moaning. Eventually I felt I had come > to the end of my endurance, and knew I needed more help. I was about 8cm > when arrived at hospital at 1am Sunday, to be met by a security guard who > said I couldn't go to the labour ward because I wasn't booked in. Growled > at him that I bloody was booked in. Then the nurses kept waiting for the > contraction to end before they did this or that. I told them to just do it > anyway because there was no break between contractions. By 4am I at last > had an epidural in - blessed relief and sleep at last. > > I was fully dilated, but the baby's head was not engaged. By 10am baby was > still doing fine, but not engaged. No-one said the C word, but I had run > out of options. I needed to be upright and couldn't be with the epidural > in. > > So I bowed to the inevitable and was prepped for surgery. Tears flowed down > my face as I was wheeled to theatre. I had come so far. The disappointment > was acute, but the baby was beautiful. And big. David was born on 4/10/98, > weighing 4kg, which probably explained his reluctance to engage. > > All my preparation had not been in vain though. I recovered from surgery > much more quickly this time. I had taken responsibility for everything that > happened in the pregnancy and labour. Physically and emotionally I felt so > much better than before, despite the long and strenuous labour. > > Now, 3 years later, I have just given birth to my fourth child, Genevieve. > This time, I gave myself permission to fail. I planned to do my best to > give birth naturally, but I knew there was a high chance that I'd be having > another caesarean. One of the hardest things I had to do to prepare for the > birth was to write to the hospital director, setting out my wishes for my > care in the event of surgery, including not being routinely separated from > the baby, etc. The letter itself was an acknowledgement that I would > probably not give birth, and I cried and cried as I wrote it. > > Again my due date came and went, contractions came and went. Monday, 9 days > overdue, I felt something was different. After a couple of strong > contractions I asked Rod to stay home from work. I rang Maggie (my > labour-support person) and she suggested I go back to bed and get as much > rest as possible. Wise woman. Of course contractions petered out again, > but it was very reassuring to have my husband home, looking after David for > me. Late in the afternoon I went for a long walk around the neighbourhood, > with contractions strong enough to make me head back for home. Rang Maggie > again around 8pm to give her an update. Still early days yet. I went to > bed about 9pm, trying to rest between contractions. David was still > breastfeeding, and his sucking brought on strong contractions. Eventually > Rod moved him to another room because I needed some space to myself. About > 2.30am I began to feel alone and panicky. Rod brought me a hot water bottle > for my abdomen which really helped. About 3am we rang Maggie and asked her > to come. She arrived about 4am and promptly suggested a walk around the > neighbourhood. After once around the block we decided to go to hospital. > My mother-in-law arrived to mind the children. > > We arrived at hospital about 5am. After hours of strong contractions, > labour came to a halt again as I was put through the standard hospital > procedures. I lay down, strapped up to monitors, feeling my power slip > away. Lots of fiddling about trying to find the baby's heartbeat. Every > time the (student) midwife found it, the baby would move away. She insisted > we needed a 20 minute trace even though the machine wasn't even functioning > properly - it would record nothing during a contraction, then go crazy when > I wasn't having one. When the mid-wife left the room I stood up and > discovered I could find the baby's heartbeat myself when I undid all the > straps and just held it myself. Finally I'd had enough and took it off > completely. > > We asked where we could make tea, and I was told I could only have ice > water! I told the midwife my doctor was happy for me to eat during labour > if I wanted to, and to call him to confirm. She returned with agreement > that I could eat lightly, and the news that the resident was going to take > blood and insert a cannula; standard procedure for previous caesareans. I > told her I didn't want a cannula and would only consent to it when it became > necessary. I could feel myself taking back the power I had given away since > I arrived at hospital. I told her to check again with my doctor. Again she > rang and confirmed this. I knew she was feeling threatened by this naughty > patient, and I was feeling frustrated that I should be fighting battles > instead of being allowed to labour. > > Another midwife (who remembered me from Andrew's birth in 1994) gave me a > VE. I was thrilled to discover I was 7cm dilated. For the first time I > felt a glimmer of hope. > > We moved to a labour room, consented to intermittent monitoring, then set > out for a walk around Sydney Uni. We got some very strange looks from > people in the street! > > I ate toast, chocolate and fruit, drank tea and gatorade, went for another > walk through the streets. About noon I had a shower then lay down on my > side to try and rest between contractions. The baby's head was still high > and floating. > > From about 1-3pm labour was so hard. Every time another contraction began I > thought "I've got to get up", but I couldn't articulate what I needed. Then > it would end and I would lapse into half sleep again, until the next one > hit. I began to despair and just wanted to give up. I couldn't believe I > was going through all this pain when a caesar was inevitable anyway. I > asked if an epidural would help. No, said Maggie. Eventually she suggested > another shower and I managed to agree. From 3-5pm I used a handheld shower. > The hot water on my abdomen was fantastic. As each contraction came on I > would stand and rock, while Rod held a hotpack against my lower back. When > it ended I would sit on a plastic chair, Rod would kneel behind me, till the > next one came. We were in a trance-like rhythm, dealing with just this > contraction. Maggie brought endless cups of ice and gatorade, and cool > washers for my face and neck. > > About 5pm I started feeling the urge to push. I was making grunting sounds > and Kathy, the lovely midwife on this shift, suggested I go back to the room > for a VE before I did any pushing. Turning off the hot water was so hard. > It was my lifeline! I staggered back to the room and got onto the bed. I > was flat on my back but I absolutely couldn't move. My body felt as heavy > as lead. I was so glad to hear I was fully dilated. I gave a huge push and > my waters broke with a gush. Kathy said she could see the head. I didn't > believe her. I asked for a mirror, and found this was really helpful in > knowing what was happening. Another contraction and I pushed with a > strength I had never imagined. It felt really good to finally push against > contractions rather than surrender to them. Suddenly I could see the head. > For the first time it occurred to me that I might actually give birth. My > doctor arrived just as she was crowning. The head was born! It was really > happening. I tore a little as the midwife turned her shoulders, then she > was born. 5.24pm, Tuesday 18/9/01. > > She was passed into my arms, and I held a newborn baby for the first time. > She was warm and wet, bright-eyed and alert. I will treasure those moments > forever. After several stitches, I ate dinner and walked to the shower. > The next day we went home. > > Mentally and physically, I felt a thousand times better than after the first > three births. For the first time I was drug-free, no morphine or pethidine, > no catheters, no wound, no surgery or liquid diet. I could be fully present > to care for my baby. > > Genevieve was 3.28kg; with a head circumference of 35cm. Both measurements > were bigger than Andrew. So much for the technology which told me my pelvis > was inadequate to give birth! > > Thankyou Brian for allowing me to labour without restrictions or > intervention; your support in the face of hospital procedures made a huge > difference. Thankyou Maggie for your unwavering strength, your belief in > the power of birth, and your love and friendship. Thankyou Rod for standing > by me, for confronting your fears head-on, for spending 2 hours on your > knees in the shower, and for 4 beautiful children. And lastly, thankyou > God, whose power working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or > imagine. > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Mary Murphy" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 10:58 PM > Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] risks of 4th c/s and support for artificial > feeding > > > > Jo, you wrote: > > "I have a great article that was published in the latest edition of > > Birthings (Homebirth Access > > Sydney Newsletter), written by a mother of 4 whom had a vaginal birth > after3 > > c/s - I can send it to you off list if you are interested." > > > > I would be very interested in this story. As it has been published it > isn't > > "private" Maybe you could write it up for all of us? with permission of > HAS > > of course. Cheers, MM > > > > > > -- > > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
