On Sun, 25 Feb 2001 20:43:35 +0800, you wrote:
>Further excellent tips on not appearing like a tourist in the
>sceptered isle of Britain can be found at
>http://www.mrbrown.com/ukadvice.html
>
Tourists to US of A are also encouraged to take certain steps which
will insure a welcome reception.
First, prior to the visit, shave one's head. This shows respect for
the WWF, a wildly popular sports organization. Show your WWF knowledge
by kicking the legs out from under the first person in uniform you see
upon arrival. Then laugh gleefully and sit on their chest.
They will get the joke, and invite you to a special room to meet their
friends.
Again prior to you visit, tattoo the letters F.E.A.R across your right
knuckles and H.A.T.E. across the left knuckles. Many Americans who
spend a lot of time in luxury state-owned apartments get these
tattoos.
F.E.A.R is an acronym for Friends of the Earth and All Religions.
H.A.T.E is an acronym for Happy Americans Toast Everybody.
You'll feel out of place without these tattoos, especially if you get
to meet the friends of the guy in uniform you kicked over.
But if you can't find someone in uniform to wrestle with, go to the
airport gift shop and buy a small sweet. Sweets are called "stick-ups"
in America. To avoid looking like a tourist, politely request your
purchase and change in pure American slang: slide the sweet across the
counter, show your knuckles and say "This is a stick-up. I'll take the
cash, please."
The cashier will be so impressed with your knowledge of American
lingo! He or she will surely give you some bonus money, then send
their friends in uniform along to help you with your luggage.
Be sure to do the wrestling thing when the uniformed gents arrive.
Another little-known fact is that the US of A will provide free food
and lodging for your whole visit! And pay for your return airfare!
That's right! You need only buy a one-way ticket, and don't even think
of bringing money for food and lodging! Be sure follow the rules above
to get your free food, lodging, and airfare home.
BTW, if you come through New York, the guys in uniform will most
likely give you a free guided tour of Rikers Island, a very special
place chock full of interesting people.
Rikers Island has free overnight facilities, unlike Ellis Island,
which is also famous for hosting people of foreign extraction.
Enjoy your stay. Follow the rules above, and you'll have a vacation
you'll never forget.
--
Happy Trails,
Texdance
http://members.fortunecity.com/texdance
http://members1.clubphoto.com/john8202
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