Hi, Jeff. Please clarify. Do you want me to label satirical pieces before posting them? Or do you want me not to post them? (I didn't understand what "remove the braces" meant.) Sid > > Sid: > > I love good satire. But I must object to posting unlabeled satirical > pieces on pen-l. I do not have the time to worry about the authenticity > of each item you present on pen-l. The more you post these pieces, the > more skeptical I become of the other interesting articles you provide. > The artistic value of "good" satire stands on its own, so please remove > the braces. > > Jeff > ---------- > From: Sid Shniad > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Subject: Raped environment led polluters on, attorneys argue > Date: Friday, January 23, 1998 6:11PM > > http://www.theonion.com January 21, 1998 > > RAPED ENVIRONMENT LED POLLUTERS ON, DEFENSE > ATTORNEYS ARGUE > > OLYMPIA, WA--In their opening statement before jurors Monday, > defense attorneys representing Pacific North Construction & Lumber Corp. > argued that their client was not at fault for the July 1997 rape of > 30,000 > acres of virgin forest, claiming that the forest led the development > company > on with "an eager and blatant display of its rich, fertile bounty." > "While, obviously, it is extremely unfortunate that this forest > was > raped, it should have known better than to show off its lush greenery > and > tall, strong trees in the presence of my client if it didn't want > anything to > happen," said lead defense attorney Dennis Schickle, speaking before a > courtroom packed with members of the media. "It's only natural for any > red-blooded American developer to get ideas in its head when it's > presented > with that kind of untouched beauty." > "The bottom line is," Schickle continued, "if you're going to > tease and > encourage like that, openly flaunting your abundant natural resources, > don't > be surprised by the consequences." > Public opinion regarding the high-profile case, which is being > closely > watched by timber-industry lobbyists and victims' rights groups across > the > U.S., is deeply divided. While some contend that the forced ravaging of > a > piece of land until it is stripped bare is never justifiable under any > circumstances, others say that such an action is understandable if the > wooded area gives off mixed signals. > "The Pacific North Construction & Lumber Corp. had every reason > to > believe that that forest wanted it bad," said logger Victor Duffy of > Chelan, > WA. "Just look at where it was at the time of the incident: It was in a > secluded, far-off place, nearly 25 miles from the nearest road. What > were > those trees doing in that kind of remote spot if they weren't looking > for > trouble?" > Those siding with the timber company also cite the forest's > history, > claiming that it has a reputation for being easily exploited. > "Believe me, this is no virgin forest," said Frank Abbate, owner > of the > Bellingham-based G&H Consolidated Timber. "It may try to pass itself off > as pristine and untouched, but I know for a fact that it has a long > history of > allowing itself to be used by developers." > In his opening statement, defense attorney Schickle also pointed > out > that when Pacific North loggers arrived at the forest on the day in > question, > its floor was covered in alluring, fragrant flowers that were "clearly > meant > to attract." > "When a forest drapes itself in flora of every color and scent > imaginable, it's obviously asking for it," Schickle said. "I'm sure the > plaintiff > will argue that these radiant flowers were meant to lure pollen-hungry > bees, > not pulp-hungry loggers. But how was my client supposed to know this? > When was it made clear that this colorful display was meant to attract > one > particular species of fauna but no other? When was it made clear that > this > forest was looking to satisfy the needs of bees and bees only?" > Russell Belanger, president of the National Timber And Logging > Association, agreed. "This forest made it seem like it wanted it, then > cried > environmental rape when it got it," he said. "At some point, we've got > to > start asking ourselves who the real victim is in these cases: our > nation's > promiscuous, manipulative forests, or the good, decent developers out > there who are just trying to make an honest living razing the land." >
