>With redundancies at investment banks around the globe looming, now is >the time for us to show the world just how much we care. It's just not >right. >Hundreds of investment bankers in your very own country are living at >or just below the seven-figure income level! Atrocious! And, as if that >weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several >weeks--possibly a whole year--as a result of their redundancy. But now >you can help! For about two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the >cost of a large screen projection TV--you can help an investment banker >remain economically viable during his time of need. > >Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, >but to a investment banker it could mean the difference between a >vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, >two thousand dollars is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage >payments. But to an investment banker, two thousand dollars a day will >almost replace his pay. > >Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable an investment >banker to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old BMW >for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio. > > "HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?" > >Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the >investment banker you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, >bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed >to your home. >You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million >lump severance package he will receive upon outplacement. Plus upon >signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of the investment >banker. Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other >peoples' suffering. > > "HOW WILL THEY KNOW I'M HELPING?" > >Your investment banker will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just >wants to help in a time of need. Although the investment banker won't know >your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a >special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected >expenses. > >Simply fill out the form below. > > ___YES, I want to help! > >I would like to sponsor a redundant investment banker. My preference >is checked below: > > [ ] Research analyst > [ ] M&A specialist > [ ] Trader* > [ ] Derivatives trader** > [ ] Entire emerging markets trading desk*** > [ ] I'll sponsor an investment banker most in need. Please select one >for me. > > * Higher cost > ** Much higher cost > *** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team >(Sorry, does not include secretaries). > >Please charge the account listed below $2,054.79 per day for a >research analyst or M&A specialist for the next 3 months. Please send me >a picture of the investment banker I have sponsored, along with my very >corporate logo baseball cap to wear proudly on my head. > > [ ] MasterCard > [ ] Visa > [ ] American Express > [ ] DiscoverCard > [ ] Diner's Club > > Your Name: __________________________ > > Telephone Number: __________________________ > Card Number: __________________________ Exp.Date:_________ > Signature: __________________________ > > Mail completed form to any major investment banking firm or call > 1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. (Children under 18 must have > parental approval.) > >Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the investment banker they >have sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not >limited to, telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in >mind that the investment banker you have sponsored will be much too busy >enjoying his free time, thanks to your generous donations. Contributions >are not tax-deductible. > > >
