A friend sent me this brilliant item.
Brian
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Bush's resume
George W. Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard, but deserted my unit in
wartime,
ordinarily considered a capital offense. I refused to take a drug test
or answer any questions about my drug use. My father's political
conncections allowed me to bypass a long waiting list to get into the
National Guard, where I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American
history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President, despite receiving
500,000 fewer votes than my opponent.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in US. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. History, Enron
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over a major energy crisis and refused to intervene
when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
President in U.S. history.
I created the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States
government, the Ministry of Homeland Security.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for least number of press conferences of any President
since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year
period.
After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy of all time.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of
mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.
I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in
duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
A majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat
to world peace and security.
Through my commitment to develop a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," I
have done more than anyone to revive the nuclear arms race.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to
justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
