AL-JAZEERA SLAPS OSAMA WITH 7-SECOND DELAY Warns Madman About Potty-mouthed Terror Rants (by Andy Borowitz)
Reflecting the increasingly prudish tenor of the times, the Arabic-language broadcast network al-Jazeera today warned al Qaeda madman Osama bin Laden that all future on-air appearances of his would be subject to a seven-second delay. âWe have no problem with Osama threatening the West with death and destruction, but weâd really like him to clean up his language,â an al-Jazeera spokesman said. âYou donât have to be potty-mouthed to get your message of terror across.â Observers of the broadcast industry said that the seven-second delay was imposed on Mr. bin Laden after he appeared on the air last week and used âinappropriate languageâ similar to that used by rock singer Bono during last yearâs Golden Globe Awards. Additionally, the continuing controversy about Janet Jacksonâs breast-baring incident at this yearâs Super Bowl made the decision to put Mr. bin Laden on a tape delay âinevitable,â the al-Jazeera spokesman said: âWe donât think Osama would resort to flashing, but you never know.â While censorship opponents such as the ACLU opposed al-Jazeeraâs seven-second-delay policy, the network received a surprising vote of support from another renowned international madman, President Kim Jung-Il of North Korea, whom many had expected to side with Mr. bin Laden. âYou can terrify the world without resorting to foul language,â Kim Jung-Il said. âWhen terrorists start talking like Courtney Love, I really start wondering what this world is coming to.â --- JD
